Crossroads
by Sweet Lu
Summary: Deeks and Kensi travel to Santa Fe to meet up with his cousin Elan Hand and Lily to search for Elan's long lost son. Their journey is fraught with danger and personal revelations as they deal with unresolved questions about their future.
1. Chapter 1

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 1_

...

She woke slowly, struggling out of a dream that became a wisp of forgotten memories as soon as she opened her eyes. The room was grey with soft morning light and she eased over on her back and reached for him, finding only the cool reminder of his earlier presence. Regret immediately filled her as she lifted herself up on her elbow, hoping he hadn't left, hoping he had forgiven last night's confession, feeling shaky as she swept her hair away from her face and sat up on the edge of the bed. The glass-paneled doors to the balcony were ajar and a sharp breath of cold air stirred the dark red curtains and she saw him standing there in the blue striped pajama pants she found so sexy. Pulling on her robe, she moved tentatively to join him, making a soft sound to alert him to her presence, but he didn't turn, simply stood silently, his hips nonchalantly cocked at an angle that made her heart beat slightly faster. His back was bare as were his feet and his tangled hair moved sensuously in the soft breeze. She placed the palms of her hands on his back, and still he did not move or acknowledge her, but she heard him catch his breath as her hands moved down to rest on his hips. Moving even closer, she nuzzled his neck, letting her warm breath out slowly as her lips touched his cool skin, her arms wrapping him gently in a cautious embrace. He dropped his head and she could feel his muscles tighten as he gripped the railing of the balcony, but she wouldn't let him go, she couldn't, kissing him tenderly, hoping things hadn't changed between them, even though she feared they had for him. He groaned oddly as her hands slid up his body to his chest, pulling him tightly to her, wanting to feel that electricity that always moved her when their bodies came together.

"Come back to bed," she whispered.

He turned around to face her, his blue eyes as pale as the morning light, a touch of sadness still lingering there as his fingers toyed with her dark hair. He wouldn't look into her eyes, choosing instead to look past her into the room behind and the large four-poster bed that dominated their corner room. He suddenly pulled her close, his hands finding their way inside her robe, moving restlessly over her heating skin as she clung to him.

"Why?" His voice was soft with a hint of mischief that made her think they were okay.

"Why do you think?"

His nose nuzzled her earlobe and she shivered slightly as his lips rested gently on her neck, his tongue teasing.

"Your nose is cold," she laughed.

His hands began to slowly move across her back, his fingers teasing her skin lightly as they move down her body until he cupped her ass with both hands, a soft musical laugh escaping before his mouth covered hers, warm and sensual and maddening. He began to move her back inside, slowly stripping her robe off as he kicked the balcony door shut behind him, finally pressing her body against the bed and stepping away to look at her with a curious expression on his face.

"We could have so much more than this, Kens," he said softly. "But I can never leave you, so I'll accept whatever you're willing to give."

"I'm sorry," tears suddenly brightening her eyes.

"I know," he said with resignation.

He reached for her, drawing her to him until he was holding her gently against his bare chest, his head buried in her softly curling hair. She clung to him, afraid her words had broken what they'd had together for so long, afraid that being honest had cost her, had cost them, everything. When he stepped away, she could see the hurt on his face as he turned toward the bathroom, taking his jeans and a clean shirt from the suitcase on the window seat, leaving her trembling and uncertain. She heard the shower start and solemnly picked her robe up from the floor, slipping it on before going back outside on the balcony. The sky was becoming the brilliant blue that had stunned her the first day they'd gotten to Santa Fe, the Southern California sky she was used to paling in comparison. The morning air was crisp, hinting at the remains of the brief April snowstorm that had passed through the day before. Deeks had laughed with childlike enthusiasm as they'd walked across the plaza in the deepening light eating ice cream from the Häagen Dazs shop, the soft flakes of snow drifting down around them. They had watched two little kids, a boy and a girl, leaping and dancing around the center monument, seeing who could catch the most snowflakes on their tongues. Deeks' deep laugh at their antics was the beginning of the discussion that had ended in amazing sex and a heartfelt conversation afterward that had turned into an argument about their future.

Now she wondered if their relationship would survive the truth she had confessed last night, at least the truth as she knew it at the moment. She'd been afraid, but he deserved honesty and she had bravely expressed her true feelings, wounding him in the process. She wondered how long he would stay with her now that he knew she really didn't think she wanted to have children. She loved what she did. How could she give up the career she'd worked so hard for to be a stay-at-home mom? That wasn't who she was. It wasn't who he had fallen in love with, but things change and so do people, although maybe he had always wanted a conventional relationship, one she had never contemplated after Jack left and she'd joined NCIS. No matter what he'd said just now about never leaving her, she questioned whether he would keep that promise, if he could keep it and deny his own wants and needs. She knew his relationship with Ruthie, the little girl he had fought so hard to protect, had touched a deep chord, that seeing Joe with his baby son had made him crave a family of his own. Before he met Joe and his father George, his experience with family had been cruel, a punishment he had struggled through and finally escaped, seeing no need to embroil himself ever again in the kind of turmoil and pain family relationships could unleash on a person. He had charged into a solitary life looking for meaning and for fun, no attachments for long, just as she had done. When their paths had crossed and they had begun to walk the same path together, she saw no reason for it to change, didn't want it to change, as unrealistic as that might be. Now they found themselves at a crossroads and she shivered at the implications, refusing to believe it could all end bitterly. She loved him. He knew that. Whether it would be enough for him was what scared her. It made her search the deep blue sky for answers she couldn't see, her questions filling a void she didn't want to face, the void her life would be without him in it.

She had realized some time ago that he'd caught a glimpse of what a family could be when Joe had pulled him into his and for a single moment she wished he had never met the Atwoods, but almost instantly felt deeply ashamed of the thought, knowing what that family meant to him. They loved him unconditionally and had sustained him and fought for him, saving his life and his sanity and tears clouded her eyes at the startling memories their names brought to mind. It was why they were here in Santa Fe. His cousin Elan Hand was coming to meet them, coming to search for his long lost son and Deeks was here to help him. They had grown close and when he had told her about this trip she had insisted on coming along, looking forward to spending time with him, never seeing the trap this search inherently held for the two of them. Now all she could do was wait to see what the days ahead would bring, where their path would lead, whether to a crossroads that would separate them or to a single road they both could travel together. She was afraid to look back and afraid to look forward and she swallowed hard at the unknown they were facing.

...

The knock on the door interrupted his muddled thoughts and he steadied himself, adjusting his features so they wouldn't give away what he was feeling, not that he was exactly sure what those feelings even were.

"Hey, Cuz," Elan greeted him, pushing open the door and pulling him into a quick, powerful hug. "Kensi still in the shower?"

"Yeah," he managed to say.

"Lily's still asleep," he replied. "I tried to get her up, but she told me to get out. At least I think that's what she said. Still don't understand much French, but the hand signal was pretty clear."

Deeks laughed at that, thankful for Elan's early morning energy. He heard the shower shut off and moved quickly to the door of the bathroom, not wanting Kensi to walk out unprepared for company. He knocked softly and told her Elan was here, but got no reply. The door cracked open and she stared sadly at him.

"Why don't you two go ahead," she said too quietly. "I'll join you later."

"Okay," he replied too quickly and turned away without another word, grabbing his jacket as he hurried from the room.

"Slow down, man," Elan said behind him as he moved rapidly toward the stairs, needing to burn off the anxiety that was roiling his stomach and clouding his thoughts.

The two men then moved silently down side by side, Elan glancing at him a few times until they reached the lobby and Deeks stopped, his face expressing the turmoil he was unsuccessful at hiding.

"Let's go someplace else for breakfast," the words rushed out of his mouth as he headed past the front desk and out the heavy wooden doors of the inn.

The air sharpened him and he initially set a brisk pace as he headed up a street he hadn't been on before, staring straight ahead as Elan walked silently beside him. He could feel Elan's eyes on him, and became annoyed as he was forced to stop several times as the big man window shopped, and made short comments on the silver work and pottery on display while Deeks' stomach growled for breakfast. It was still very early and there weren't many people on the streets except for the crowd hanging around the corner ahead of them. He checked the sign hanging over the tiny screen door and then the smell of pungent spices and bacon wafted out of the entrance as a dark haired woman in a long tie-died skirt called out a name from a notebook in her hand. The screen door slapped shut behind the smiling foursome who followed her in and Elan stopped him with a hand on his arm as he asked a bearded man in a cowboy hat about the place.

"Pasqual's is the best, man," he said. "Try the Huevos Rancheros. You'll think you died and went straight to heaven."

"You have to have the pancakes," a blond woman in very tight jeans and an expensive leather jacket urged them. "They come with eggs and bacon and real maple syrup."

Deeks wondered how the woman could eat all that and not pop out of her jeans, but after hearing the enthusiasm of the crowd outside, he put his name in at the tiny green hostess station inside and smiled at the colorful and intricately cut paper decorations hanging from the ceiling and the charming murals covering the walls. When he came out, he found Elan surrounded by a group of women who had joined the blond in the tight pants, smiling as he explained that he was Arapaho and not from one of the local Pueblos. The ladies finally left him alone when their table was announced.

"Lily ever get jealous of all the women you attract?" Deeks asked as they stood in the warming sun.

"She thinks it's funny," he answered. "I think she's just giving me enough rope to see if I'll hang myself."

Deeks didn't reply and Elan draped an arm over his shoulder and walked him across the street to a bench and pushed him down.

"What's going on?" He asked.

Deeks immediately dropped his head, his left hand nervously brushing the hair at the back of his neck. His face contorted with uncertainly, as he struggled with his emotions, not wanting to distract from the real reason they were here.

"It's not important," he said.

"Bullshit!" Elan laughed. "After all we've been through together, you think I can't read you, Cuz? Are you in trouble again? Did you piss somebody off? You've only been here two days."

"Yeah, well, I seem to have a talent for pissing people off," he answered.

"Who was it?" Elan asked guardedly.

"Kensi."

Elan looked sharply at him, his eyes slowly softening as Deeks stared at him, a wounded look haunting his features.

"But you can fix it, right?" Elan asked.

"She doesn't want kids, Elan," his voice breaking as he stood up and walked back across the street.

Elan followed hesitantly, giving him time to collect himself and he was grateful for that. He heard his name called for breakfast and waited for Elan to follow him inside, the welcome distraction of getting menus and agreeing to the cups of coffee offered giving him a much needed respite from anymore questions. They both opted for the Huevos Rancheros, but Elan ordered a short stack of pancakes too, telling the waiter he wanted to compare them to his uncle's buttermilk pancakes, making Deeks smile at the poor excuse. They spent the next few minutes drinking their coffee as they listened to nearby conversations and when their breakfast was served they ate in silence, except for a short conversation about the pancakes.

"I don't know what to tell you, Cuz," Elan finally offered. "Except, maybe she'll change her mind at some point."

"I shouldn't have brought it up," he said, signaling the waiter for more coffee.

"Why did you?" Elan asked. "Did you ask her to marry you?"

"No," he replied. "She doesn't want anything to change. She likes everything just the way it is."

"And you don't," Elan's plain words lay starkly between them and Deeks simply shook his head, unsure what else there was to say.

"What's the point?" bitterness creeping into the tone of his voice.

"The point is, you're in love with her," Elan ventured, reaching across the small table to squeeze his arm.

"Yeah, there's that," he said, finally smiling.

Their conversation died and after paying the bill, they wandered the narrow streets, poking into a few of the shops that were open, remaining silent until they reached the plaza, where they stopped to watch the tourists milling around the native crafts people selling their work on the sidewalk in front of The Palace of the Governors. Elan put a hand on Deeks' shoulder, directing his attention to the unmistakable figures of the two women in their lives. They were trying on silver bracelets, talking warmly with each other and Deeks settled down on a bench to watch them.

"You're one lucky sonofabitch, Elan," Deeks breathed out slowly. "I don't get what she sees in you, man."

"Come on, Cuz. I'm a damn fine looking Indian," Elan laughed. "I'm her childhood fantasy come to life."

"You're full of shit," Deeks laughed. "It definitely has to be the hair."

"Don't give up on her, Marty," Elan said as he sat down next to him. "Kensi loves you, man."

"I know," he answered, following her as she moved among the growing crowd of tourists, her smile radiant as she engaged with the artists.

Watching her from afar gave him some perspective. It had been awhile since he'd been able to observe her this way, doing everyday things like a normal woman, at ease in a situation where neither of them was in danger, where she didn't have to watch his back or be on alert for someone trying to shoot them. She looked beautiful, her hair loose and dancing around her shoulders as she moved, her tall slender legs filling the pale blue jeans and making him long to be close to her. He had bought her that red and black leather jacket yesterday, and it touched him that she was wearing it this morning. He couldn't imagine his life without her in it, feeling a wave of sadness at the thought. Suddenly she saw him and her smile faded, replaced by a look of uncertainty that he chided himself for causing, a look he didn't want to see on her face when she looked at him. He was lost and he knew it, heartsick as he looked away from her, unable to come to terms with the change one conversation had caused. She was everything to him, his longing for children warring with his need to have her always in his life at whatever cost. He couldn't help but feel that the ground beneath their feet had shifted and become unstable as if they were walking on quicksand, and unsure of what their next step should be.

...

...


	2. Chapter 2

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 2_

...

The silence between them was unnerving. They had always bantered, had always laughed at each other's teasing comments and revelations, feeling each other out from the beginning until they had realized their deeper feelings for one another. When they had found each other amongst the humor, their comments had become more edgy and sexual, as if they were testing each other's commitment, but that had eventually eased into familiarity and comfort. They had grown used to each other over time, sensing instinctively what the other was feeling or needing, building on their partnership and on their deepening love for each other. They had powered through the rough patches, sometimes ignoring them in order to remain as they had always been, a strong couple, always there for each other in the battles that made up their lives. Now that the latest battle was over and they had survived the threats, they both seemed slightly unsure how to handle normalcy. Deeks had embraced the quiet, but Kensi still thrived on constant action. After the previous night's argument, they both knew their relationship had shifted and their response to that shift had left them silent with each other, unprepared for the kind of battle shaping up between them.

"Deeks?"

"What?"

"I asked if you wanted to grab lunch and go over the plans," Elan said. "You okay Cuz?"

He was watching Kensi as he nodded his assent, seeing a distant look in her eyes before she quickly looked away.

"Yeah, of course," he answered, pushing past the two women and walking purposefully ahead of the other three.

"Is someone going to tell me what's going on?" Lily asked softly as they all began to slowly follow.

"I'm trying to stay neutral," Elan answered.

"You expect me to believe that?" Kensi questioned sharply. "Your family is always on his side."

"We think of you as family too, Kensi," Elan said, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. "Don't ever forget that."

He turned and hurried after Deeks before Kensi could respond, leaving her uncomfortable and slightly angry.

"Talk to me, bonne amie," Lily said, stepping in front of her and taking her hands.

"I shouldn't have come," she answered. "I should have known he would get caught up in it all."

"Caught up in what, Kensi?" Lily asked as they walked slowly along the covered sidewalk, pausing in front of a window full of brilliantly painted carved animals.

"How do you feel about Elan's son?" Kensi suddenly asked as she stared blankly into the shop window.

"I am happy for Elan," she said. "But I think he is a little bit afraid what will happen when we find him."

"What if the boy becomes a part of his life?" She asked. "Do you want him in your lives?"

"He is Elan's son," she answered. "It is not my decision to make."

"But you are part of his life now. Won't it affect your relationship?" Kensi seemed desperate for an answer.

"We are lovers," Lily said bluntly, and shrugged. "I hold no claim on him or him on me. Who knows how long any of us have for happiness. Being with French Intelligence has left me with no illusions about living a long life. I wanted him the first time I saw him, and I had no reason to wait. I live my life day to day and being with him has made me very happy. He is a fantastic lover and a strong, good man. What more can I ask? His son is a part of him. I cannot ask him to choose between us. That would not be fair to him."

"But what about what you want?" Kensi asked.

Lily turned to look at Kensi, noticing the film of tears over her eyes.

"Marty wants children," Lily stated softly.

Kensi nodded and wrapped her arms around herself when she recognized the understanding in the other woman's eyes. Lily said no more, simply slipped an arm around her shoulder and guided her towards the two men waiting for them far up the street. The silence returned and Kensi took a couple of deep breaths as she always did before a firefight, a sense of self preservation flooding through her as she watched Deeks shift uncomfortably on his feet. This was going to be an ongoing battle, one not solved easily or quickly and the thought made her suddenly reproach herself for thinking of their situation in those terms. She wanted to stand her ground with him, make him see what he was asking of her, but she knew today was not the time and she forced herself to relax and smile at him. When he smiled back, the old familiar feeling of warmth and comfort returned, a feeling she never wanted to be without.

"You're gonna love this place, Kens," he said with a tentative grin.

He took her hand then, searching her face with curious eyes, and she felt her resolve give a little because she could see he was fighting just as hard as she was to let last night's argument fade into the background. She started to become more aware of her surroundings, grateful to be out of her own head.

The funky, painted sign over the entrance to The Shed beckoned them into a brick courtyard ringed by wrought iron benches painted an odd green that held tourists and locals waiting for a table. Unused outdoor tables and closed up market umbrellas were stacked in one corner, the late season snow storm delaying their debut. No one was in much of a hurry as they relaxed, grateful for the warming sun. The four of them waited as patiently as everyone else, each holding their own thoughts until Deeks' cell rang.

"Hey Eric, what have you got?" He asked pleasantly.

The muscles in Elan's jaw moved tightly under his skin as he waited for confirmation on the location his son was last seen. Deeks reached up to squeeze his shoulder, the connection between the two men apparent as they looked into each other's eyes. Deeks finally nodded and ended the call, his eyes still locked with Elan's.

"He can't confirm just yet," Deeks said quietly. "He's checking another source and as soon as he knows anything he'll call us back."

"But they're close by, right?" Elan asked.

"Yeah, but he said they move around a lot," Deeks answered. "He's checking on her boyfriend's mother. He has information that she lives somewhere just outside Santa Fe on a ranch. As soon as he confirms the address he'll send the information and directions to my cell."

Hearing his name called for lunch, Deeks led the way through the lavender doors into a low-ceiling entrance hall that opened up to a large warmly painted atrium, decorated with brash paintings and overgrown plants. They followed the hostess off to the side and ducked under a low doorway and were seated in a tiny room painted a rusty red, hung with more quirky paintings and ristras of red chili peppers.

"Ever had posole, Lily?" Deeks asked with a smile. "I hear it's really spicy here, so it'll probably be too hot for you."

"I like things spicy," She said seductively as she looked over at Elan, who laughed and ran a hand through her short blond hair.

"If she tries the posole, Deeks," Kensi said. "You have to have the Carne Adovada. Let's see how spicy you like things."

"Is that a challenge, Wonder Woman?" He asked, catching the competitive tone in her voice and he smiled broadly.

"I'm sticking with a burger," Elan said, shaking his head as the others ordered, his mind on something other than proving his manhood in a spicy food-eating contest.

The challenges were made and the edginess that had persisted all morning finally began to ease a little, only coming out in the familiar banter that marked their relationship. Lily was new to it, but she held her own until the food arrived.

"Merde!" Lily choked out after swallowing a mouthful of the spicy posole. "Mon Dieu! This was cooked by the devil."

"Well, I did tell them you liked things hot," Elan laughed.

Kensi and Deeks eyed each other as Lily began berating Elan in rapid French and he defended himself in a few Arapaho words that just seemed to spur her on, her eyes flashing, but still unable to keep a smile from her face.

"Go on Deeks," Kensi urged. "Show Lily how it's done, tough guy."

Deeks cockily took a big bite of the pork and sweat immediately popped out on his forehead and he dropped the fork and quickly began drinking water, which did nothing to relieve the burning from the fiery mixture. Kensi calmly sat eating her green chili stew without a hint of discomfort, eyeing Deeks as she smirked with triumph.

"I win," she said.

Deeks was finally able to stop coughing and admitted defeat with a shake of his head, wiping the perspiration from his face and the tears from his watering eyes.

"This was not a good idea," he wheezed out.

"Most of yours aren't," Kensi said, a familiar edge to her voice that caught Deeks' attention.

His smile disappeared as they stared at each other, and even Lily seemed to understand the change in atmosphere. It was Elan who became visibly angry.

"Did you two come to help?" He asked, his voice low and scathing and so unlike him. "I came here to find my son, but I'll do it on my own if you two need to work out your own problems."

He hastily rose to leave, but Deeks quickly stood up and grabbed his arm, holding him in place as he apologized.

"God, Elan, I'm sorry," he said intensely. "Please man, I owe you. Finding your boy is the only reason I'm here."

Elan slowly sat back down, draining the beer he had ordered, an embarrassed silence settling over all of them.

"Tell us about your son's mother," Lily said gently. "What was her name? I'm almost certain she was beautiful."

"Yeah, she was," Elan said, tempering his anger with a soft laugh. "Her name is Bella Moss and she was wild back when I knew her, which was probably why I was attracted to her. I was a little crazy back then myself, always in trouble, riding buckin' horses on the local circuit for extra cash. She was always hanging around the rodeo, hooking up with bull riders mostly and probably high a lot of the time, but I didn't care, cause she had this long, shiney black hair that hung down to her butt and these big dark eyes and a body that wouldn't quit."

"I don't like her," Lily said as she took his hand.

"Me either," Kensi said with a small smile.

"You're in trouble big guy," Deeks laughed. "You're way too honest for your own good."

"She asked," Elan said softly, his face suddenly turning sad as he continued. "I found her all beat up next to my truck in the parking lot after a rodeo in Laramie. I couldn't leave her there, so I took her to Uncle Jim's. She stayed with us for a couple of weeks and after that I couldn't get her out of my head. When she left, I followed."

"How long were you together?" Kensi asked.

"I'm not sure we were together, but off and on for about four months," he answered, staring fixedly at the beer bottle in his big hands. "We had a stormy relationship. Like I said, she was wild, but Uncle Jim had been on me about getting my act together and I didn't want to disappoint him, so I joined the army. Figured I could use the discipline. She laughed in my face when I told her, calling me an idiot and a few other choice names I won't mention. After I came home from my first tour we lived together for a few months. When I told her I was going back to Iraq she begged me to stay with her, but I had already signed up. She obviously didn't forgive me for that. When I came back from my second tour she was gone."

"And she cut herself off from her family?" Lily questioned.

"Her brother told me that after she had the baby, she hooked up with a bull rider passing through," he replied. "They tried to get her to leave the boy with the family, but she disappeared one night and took my son with her."

"We'll find him, Elan," Deeks said gently.

"Then what?" Elan's voice broke as he looked intensely back at Deeks. "He doesn't know me, Cuz. How can I expect him to ever want to?"

"Let's find him first," Deeks said calmly. "You can deal with winning him over after that."

"You don't know what kind of situation he's in, Elan," Kensi offered. "If Bella was as wild as you said, she might be willing to give him up. Is that what you want?"

"He's my son," Elan said firmly. "Right now, I just want to see him and eventually get to know him and I want him to know me. If that means uprooting my life to be near him, then that's what I'll do."

Lily calmly took his hand, her eyes searching his and then she nodded and smiled sadly at him.

"You are a good man, mon chou," she whispered. "Your son will see that."

"I hope you're right," he said, staring hard at their intertwined fingers.

They finished their meal and walked silently out under a pale sun, wandering aimlessly through several shops picking up souvenirs for their friends and family. Deeks found a couple of hats he liked and as he tried them on, he and Elan discussed the family and what was going on at the ranch.

"Sheila's foal is doing good, Cuz," Elan said. "George said little Ruthie and Boo are inseparable. He found them curled up together out in the pasture."

"I miss the ranch," Deeks said. "Not sure when I'll get back there."

"Uncle Jim's slowin' down some, but don't tell him I told you that," Elan said. "He's spending more and more time with George at the ranch. It's good for both of them. I think they wanted to be together when I called about my boy."

"You're worried about what we're going to find," Deeks stated softly. "What haven't you told me, man? I know you were holding something back at lunch."

"When I got home from my second tour I asked around about the man Bella ran off with," Elan recounted. "He's a mean sonofabitch, Marty. Her brother told me that whenever she'd come home she'd have bruises on her arms and a black eye, sometimes two. Why would she stay with someone who would do that to her? And why would she let her child be around someone like that?"

Deeks just stared at him, struggling to give him an answer, his expression signaling the turmoil the question had ignited.

"I wish I could answer that question, man. I really do, but I can't," he finally said. "I grew up watching my mom take punches from my dad. Some were like an afterthought, some she knew were coming and some she didn't. But in all those years he beat her, she never talked about leaving him. She loved that bastard, Elan. Why, I don't know, but I figured out pretty early she loved him more than she loved me."

"What did she do when he hit you?" Elan's eyes bored into him, the need to know deep and unsettling.

"Are you asking if she ever tried to stop him?" Deeks' pale blue eyes became turbulent, the hurt after all the years clearly showing on his face.

"No."

"You still hold it against her," Elan said sadly, reaching out to grip his shoulder, but dropping his hand as Deeks flinched away from the contact.

He turned and left Elan standing in front of the large display of cowboy hats, heading out the door, his hand brushing nervously through the unruly hair at the base of his neck. Elan signaled to Lily and caught Kensi's eye, a worried look clouding her features. He motioned for them to stay and then quickly followed Deeks, eventually finding him sitting on a bench in the plaza, his arms crossed over his chest and his long legs stretched out in front of him. He sat down next of him without a word and waited, noting the blank look on his cousin's face as he watched the tourists buying jewelry from the Indians across the street.

"I think she wanted to protect me," Deeks finally said. "But she was afraid. I knew that, but it still hurt that she didn't even try. She would hold me in her arms afterward and sing me lullabies. I still hate those songs."

"At least she tried to comfort you," Elan said. "My mother was so wasted most of the time she hardly noticed me. I felt sorry for her. Still do, even though she died when I was seven."

"I know you're scared, man," Deeks said softly as he stared at the ground. "You're afraid Bella won't protect him."

"Yeah. Or can't."

Deeks gripped Elan's shoulder hard, unsure what else to say. There was no need to voice what they both understood; that they needed to find this boy neither one knew. If his situation was anything like what they had experienced, Deeks felt an urgent need to rescue him, and not just because he was Elan's son. He'd hated his early childhood, and had grown up hating his father and it had left a darkness in his soul he continually fought against. But it was his mother that now filled his thoughts. It was her inability or unwillingness to fight back against the abuse, not just to protect him, but to protect herself, that had always left him feeling alone and abandoned. After all these years, he still felt guilt for blaming her even a little bit, and he still remembered his anger spilling over after being knocked around by his dad, yelling at her with venom in his small voice, seeing the confusion and hurt his words caused her. He had never forgiven himself for that. She had suffered more than he had, and the night he'd shot his father had been the night he could no longer bear the anguish and misery he saw on her face.

Lost in memories he longed to forget, he wasn't aware of his surroundings until Kensi touched him, bringing him back to the crisp light of the present and he quickly stood and wrapped her in his arms. He had always drawn strength from her fierceness, that fighting spirit that had attracted him from the beginning and he found he desperately needed that now. She seemed to sense his need and reached up to hold his face in her hands, giving him that determined look of support that had marked their history together. Whatever came, they were stronger together, and they both knew that beyond any doubt.

...

...


	3. Chapter 3

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 3_

...

It hadn't taken them long to get to Espanola after they received Eric's call. The information had been unexpected, but any lead was appreciated and this one was promising. Deeks had never seen Elan so fidgety before and the drive was punctuated by quick looks and snappish comments about how slow he was driving. Lily had put a hand on his arm after one caustic comment, but that did nothing to calm him down, so Deeks stopped at a gas station just outside of town to have a talk with him.

"Why the hell are you stopping? You can't be out of gas," the words tumbling over each other as Elan turned to stare at him.

"I thought Army Rangers were supposed to be able to keep themselves under tight control," Deeks said easily. "We go in to talk to the police with you like this, we're not going to get a whole lot of cooperation or information. So, stop it."

Elan's eyes flashed in anger and he clinched his fists as if he was going to hit his cousin, but instead got out of the car and walked to the back of the lot and stood staring into the sagebrush lining the asphalt. Deeks followed, leaving Kensi and Lily waiting in the car, taking his time to give Elan a chance to calm down. When he reached him he stood shoulder to shoulder with him, but remained silent, looking over the low buildings of the town below, spread out over the flat landscape of the high plateau. The constant roar of the cars moving along the interstate filled the uneasy silence as the two men waited for the other to speak.

"You were there for me in France," Deeks finally said. "Let me be here for you now, man. Trust me Elan. I won't let you down."

Elan slowly nodded and Deeks slapped his back and turned toward the car, relieved when he heard the big man's footsteps behind him. Elan remained subdued as they drove to the police station, but the tension remained. When they reached the featureless municipal building, the two men looked solemnly at each other, finding once again the connection that had cemented their kinship during Deeks' ordeal in Paris.

"Let's hope these cops are a little nicer than the ones we met in Paris," Deeks quipped with a quick grin.

"Setting the bar kind of low there, Cuz," Elan replied, his face finally softening.

"Do not judge all of our officers by Duval and his men," Lily said.

"And none of us needs a reminder, Deeks," Kensi sniped. "So, shut up."

"Now you've pissed her off," Elan smiled as they all got out of the car.

"Nothing new there," Deeks said lightly as he sidestepped a punch.

When they were finally inside, a sense of familiarity filled Deeks as he approached the desk sergeant, flashing his badge and asking for the detective who had worked the case Eric had discovered. A uniformed officer led them down a hallway into a room of grey metal desks occupied by plainclothes detectives eyeing them curiously, leaving Deeks feeling slightly nostalgic.

"We don't get many Feds around these parts," said a solid looking man with a small, tidily trimmed beard as he came over to shake hands with Deeks. "I'm Detective Campos. Now, who are you and how'd you get my name?"

The man's words were blunt and marginally suspicious, but spoken in a friendly tone. He ushered them into a small conference room and visually checked out each of them as he motioned for them to have a seat at the nondescript metal table.

"Can't be an official inquiry if you brought along your girlfriends," the man said as he closed the door.

"I'm NCIS Agent Marty Deeks, and this is Agent Kensi Blye, Lily Roche of French Intelligence and my cousin, Elan Hand," Deeks stated coolly as the detective's eyes widened.

"My cases don't usually involve federal agencies," the detective said. "And they sure as hell don't get the attention of French Intelligence."

"Oh, don't worry, detective," Lily purred softly. "I'm just the girlfriend."

"Sorry about that," Campos said, looking slightly embarrassed. "Now, what's this about?"

"You arrested a woman named Bella Moss and a man named Bill Freitas," Deeks said as he leaned across the table. "We're interested in finding them. What can you tell us about them?"

"Billy and Bella," Campos replied, shaking his head. "Nothing but trash, those two. Always in trouble, either dealing drugs or running illegal horse racing gigs on one of the local ranches, which is the only charge I've managed to get 'em on, not that they spent much time in jail. Billy grew up over in Truchas. Used to rodeo until a bull gored him in the leg. Only made him meaner."

"What about Bella?" Elan asked.

"She was a real beauty when she got here eight years ago," he replied sadly. "Not anymore. Still wild though. Why she stays with that guy I don't know. He beats the shit out of her all the time, but she refuses to press charges."

"Sounds like you've known her awhile," Kensi said softly. "Personal?"

"Met her at a rodeo when she first got to town," he said with a guarded smile. "Like I said, she was a beauty, so I got to talking to her. Billy didn't take that too well. The idiot tried to fight me. After I knocked his ass on the ground, I showed him my badge and they both took off."

"Ever see her with a little boy?" Deeks asked.

"Soldier," he replied with a deep sigh. "Lanky kid. Long hair, dirty whenever I've seen him. Tough as they come and rides like the wind. Looks like he was born on a horse. He's their jockey in the illegal races. Frietas's mother runs a pretty good string of quarter horses. Tried to bring him in when I arrested his parents, but Bella yelled out a warning and he kicked that roan he was riding and they leaped the fence. I didn't have the heart or the energy to try and catch him."

Elan didn't move or respond in any way. They had all turned to look at him, and Deeks could see a range of emotion playing out across his face.

"She named him Soldier," His voice was low and halting with a touch of surprise.

"Strange name, if you ask me," Campos said offhandedly. "But he's a weird kid. Doesn't talk much. I picked him up last August in Chimayo. One of the shop owners I know called me away from my lunch to tell me he'd stolen an ice cream bar. After I paid for it, I tried to talk to the boy, but he just stared at me with those big, dark eyes of his. Never said a thing, so, I drove him home. His dad wasn't too happy about him coming home with a cop."

"Elan's his father," Deeks stated softly.

"Now this little visit is beginning to make some sense," the detective said as he stared at Elan, his voice softening. "He looks a hell of a lot more like you than Billy Freitas."

"Can you give us an address?" Deeks asked.

"You gonna try and take him away from Bella?" Campos asked. "Cause it won't be easy, I can tell you that."

"I just want to see him, for now," Elan said. "Bella took off with him while I was in Afghanistan. He was just a baby. I've never even seen him."

"So you think she'll fight to keep him?" Deeks asked.

"Yeah, but it's his grandmother you'll have to worry about," the detective replied. "Well, I guess she's not his real grandmother. She's Billy's mother and she's the one who runs things up there."

"Are they close?" Elan asked.

"Don't know about that," he answered. "But she doesn't like anybody taking what she thinks is hers. They make money off that kid."

"Can we get that address now?" Deeks asked.

"Sure thing," Campos replied, rising from his chair, but pausing at the door. "Watch yourselves up in Truchas. She has lots of family and they're tight. We can't prove anything, but we're pretty sure she's the brains of a pretty rough outfit. It sure as hell ain't Billy."

When he returned with the address and detailed directions, he shook hands with each of them and wished Elan good luck. Deeks told the others to go ahead, but Kensi lingered close by as he talked with the detective.

"Are they abusing the boy?" He asked bluntly, watching the detective closely.

"Family services got a tip from a teacher a few years ago about possible abuse," Campos replied. "But Vera Freitas told them the family had left the state and she had no idea where they were. By the time he was back in school the following year, the whole thing had been forgotten. The only reason I know about it is because Bella told me."

"You two keep in touch?" Deeks asked with surprise.

"No, Agent Deeks, we don't," Campos said with a hint of anger. "I arrested her for possession a couple of years ago and threatened to have the boy taken away from her if she didn't roll over on Vera Freitas. She just laughed at me and told me that story and said Vera had hidden the boy back then and would do it again if I tried to take him. But, I could tell she was scared I might do it. She's definitely not the mother of the year, but she loves her kid."

"Thanks for your help, Detective Campos," Deeks said as he shook the man's hand.

"Here's my card. Call if you have anymore questions or find out something I can use against Vera Freitas," he said. "And if you don't get anywhere up in Truchas, ask around about illicit horse racing. You might have better luck seeing the boy at one of the races."

Deeks nodded and turned when Kensi took his hand. He was grateful for the support it signaled and they walked out of the station together, searching for Elan in the late afternoon light. He was leaning against the side of the car with Lily standing in front of him, her hands flat on his chest as she spoke quietly to him. Deeks hesitated and then stopped, wanting to allow Elan time to digest what he'd just learned.

"Did you see his face when he heard his son's name?" Deeks asked. "It touched him that she named him that."

"I think Bella loved him," Kensi said. "Whenever she says her son's name she must think of Elan."

"This is gonna be hard on him," Deeks said as they began to make their way to the car.

"How about on you?" Kensi said softly.

"What do you mean?" Deeks slowed as he looked at her.

"You believe they're abusing the boy," she said gently. "You empathize with any child in that situation. This is Elan's son. Don't tell me this isn't affecting you."

He didn't say anything as distant memories surfaced. The old feeling of being trapped caused his heart to race and he gripped Kensi's hand a little tighter. It was as if he was inside the boy's head, realizing there was no escape, knowing the people around you were all you had, and that those same people made living almost unendurable. As a child he'd had no options, his family consisting only of his parents, his existence controlled by a drunken father and by fear. He wondered who or what controlled Soldier. If he loved his mother, getting him away from the family might prove impossible because he would resist. If he was desperate enough, that might change, but sometimes you just endured the unendurable because you have no other choice, the thought making him shudder because it was so familiar.

"I want him out of there, Kens," he suddenly said fiercely, spitting out the words.

He saw Elan staring at him and the two men moved toward each other, determination on both their faces. Neither one said anything, both already knowing how the other one felt. They pulled each other into a powerful hug, breaking apart to look intently into each other's eyes.

"I can't let him stay with her, Marty," Elan stated. "I can't."

"I know," Deeks said. "We'll get him out of there."

They all knew where they were going when they got in the car. Kensi contacted Eric for mugshots of Bella, Billy and any photos he could find of Vera Freitas and her family and then checked her tablet for the directions Campos had given them. She had photos within minutes of Bella and Billy, but nothing on Vera, so she sent a quick email to Detective Campos, knowing there had to be surveillance photos. There were a couple of mugshots of two of her other sons, Victor and Eduardo and one of her brother, Ernesto, who was recently paroled after serving a ten year sentence for assault.

"Not exactly your all-American family," Kensi said tensely as she handed the tablet to Elan.

"Have you thought about what you'll say to Bella if you see her, mon chou?" Lily asked him.

"No," he answered as he stared down at her recent mugshot. "I can't believe this is the same woman. It makes me want to beat the crap out of Billy Freitas for doing this to her."

"Hold it together, man," Deeks cautioned, hearing the anger in his voice.

"I think Bella's going to wonder how you found her after all these years," Kensi reasoned. "Then she may try to run."

That sobered them and they drove on in silence as the sun slipped lower toward a cloudy horizon. As they ascended the winding road up to Truchas, the low sun hit the high peaks above, coloring the snow. The rugged land dropped away from the ridge they were on, clumps of sage brush and chamisa crowding the edges of the narrow road as they passed the first adobe outbuildings of the desolate looking town. Ramshackle buildings were scattered along the main road, some of the walls painted with wild murals by local artists and there were signs for carvers and craftspeople that hinted at more than what met the eye. They turned onto an even narrower road full of potholes, overlooking the startling peaks as they followed the directions they'd been given.

"How close are we?" Deeks asked.

"I think it's that gate at the end of the road," Kensi replied.

Deeks pulled the car off into the weeds on the scruff of the road and turned off the engine.

"Listen. I don't think we should show our hand just yet," Deeks said quietly.

"You want to go in undercover," Kensi said knowingly.

"It will give us a chance to get a feel for these people and see what we're up against," Deeks watched Elan intently as he made his proposal.

"But what if Bella sees me?" Elan asked.

"She won't, because you and Lily are staying in the car," he replied and saw Elan's jaw tighten and his eyes harden. "Hear me out, buddy. We don't even know if your boy is here, or Bella for that matter. Let Kensi and I scope things out and then we can plan how you meet your son. Trust me, Elan. It's what we do and we're really good at it."

Elan pushed his body back into the corner of the back seat, his big hands running up and down his thighs as he stared into Deeks' eyes. Lily put her hands over his to still them, and he looked at her, his agitation there for all of them to see. Then he closed his eyes and nodded his assent.

"I won't let you down, Cuz," Deeks said firmly.

"What's the plan?" Kensi asked as she checked her weapon.

"No guns, Kens," he said as he pulled his badge and his weapon and shoved them into the glove box, smiling as Kensi reluctantly complied.

"Time to resurrect Jimmy Satterlee, the charming and very attractive photographer," Deeks said softly to Kensi, his eyes clouding with memories of the first time he had used that alias.

Kensi blinked hard when she heard the name, shivering ever so slightly.

"Will you be Annie, my lovely assistant, one more time?" He asked gently as he took her hands in his.

She nodded, but quickly pulled her hands away and opened the door and got out, walking a little ways up the road, finally stopping and gripping the fence in front of her.

"What happened when she was Annie before?" Lily asked.

"She was almost killed in an RPG explosion," he said. "She was in a coma for awhile..."

Deeks found he couldn't continue and Lily said something softly in French as he gathered himself. Elan gripped his shoulder hard, the strength of his hand steadying him and pulling him back to the present.

"You don't have to do this, Marty," Elan said.

"It's the best cover," he answered. "And no matter what happens, stay in the car."

He got out and caught Kensi staring at him as he opened the trunk to get his camera bag. He saw the determination on her face as she walked back to him and held out her hand for the bag. He smiled at her as she handed him the telephoto so he could change lenses, both of them easily slipping into their aliases before they walked up the deserted road toward the Freitas place.

The light was magical on the snowy peaks and he almost immediately began shooting pictures, the soft whir of the camera's motor drive the only sound other than a couple of horses cropping grass. He followed the fence line, edging toward the sagging wooden gate that was set back from the road, the muddy driveway rutted and packed with dirty snow. Scanning the property with the long lens, he noted the big barn sitting on the edge of the ridge and the low adobe house with the turquoise door. Several old pickup trucks were parked haphazardly around the property, but he saw no people. As he leaned against the gate, he rested his lens on the top, snapping a picture of two horses staring back at him with the stark white peaks glowing behind them.

The sharp report of a rifle made him jump back as the wooden rail splintered next to his head. He quickly raised his hands in the air and stepped away from the gate.

"Stay down, Annie," he said loudly. "What the fuck, man, I'm just taking a few pictures."

He saw a tall woman walk out of the shadows of the barn, cocking the rifle and keeping it leveled toward him. He took a quick look back at the car, afraid the shot might have made Elan forget his promise to stay in the car. He heard Kensi swear under her breath and he knew she was wishing she had her gun. When he looked back, the woman was almost to the gate. Her hair was reddish gray, full and frowzy around her weathered face, her hazel eyes piercing as she stared at him, the gun never wavering. She wore jeans and knee-high black galoshes, her red plaid shirt covered by a khaki down vest. Her sleeves were rolled up revealing several thick silver bracelets decorated with turquoise on both wrists, which looked oddly sophisticated next to her rough hands and dirty fingernails.

"Sorry about my language, ma'am, but you scared the shit outa me. I'm Jimmy Satterlee and this is my assistant Annie," he said with a nervous smile. "I'm a professional photographer and your barn and horses against the backdrop of those peaks was just too hard to resist."

"Show me," she said, her voice calm and pleasant, not anything like he expected.

He leaned across the gate and showed her the shot he had just taken, the smell of hay and horse manure mixed with a musky perfume floated around her. She put the rifle down and took the camera, easily going through the few shots he had.

"These all you've taken today?" She looked sharply at him and he realized he needed to be careful with her.

"New chip," he said easily, smiling his crooked grin as Kensi moved up next to him. "Annie here keeps the full ones in a separate bag. Makes her job easier."

"The shot you took of my mares is pretty good," she remarked as she handed the camera back.

"I kinda have a thing for horses," he said, widening his smile as he laughed. "Tried to take some pictures at one of the race tracks, but the backgrounds were crappy. I'd rather photograph horses running over open ground. Much more dramatic and beautiful."

"You gamble?" She asked.

"Only on the ponies," he replied and Kensi snorted out a laugh, causing the woman to smile.

"Your pretty little assistant just gave you away," she said.

"She can't keep secrets worth a damn," he laughed.

"I'm running one of my quarter horses at a race tomorrow just outside of Taos," she said. "It's on a ranch called the Lazy J. There's a creek and lots of aspen and willow trees. Pretty place to take pictures. You get any good ones of my horse, I'll buy 'em off you. Starts after lunch."

"I'm sorry, but I didn't get your name," Deeks said, reaching out to shake her hand.

"Vera Freitas," she smiled and picked up her rifle, gazing calmly at him for a couple of seconds before she turned and walked away. "Bring money. And if you're smart, you'll bet on my horse Zuni."

"I always bet on the jockey," he shouted after her, hoping she'd respond with the information they all wanted to hear.

She stopped and turned around, her eyes curious and suspicious, so he smiled widely and shrugged and he saw her relax.

"My grandson's riding him," she said. "He's a good rider and he knows what'll happen if he loses."

He sucked in his breath and kept his smile in place until she turned and walked toward the barn. He felt Kensi's warm hand slip into his and he took comfort from her gesture, his heart going out to Elan's young son as the veiled threat followed the woman back into the shadows.

...

...


	4. Chapter 4

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 4_

...

Elan asked him to stop the car when they reached Chimayo, unable to stay confined any longer. Deeks pulled into the almost empty parking lot in front of the church and Elan bolted from the car before the engine died. The remains of the sunset on the low clouds mutely illuminated the old adobe church and the troubled pacing of the big Arapaho. Deeks held Lily back as she started to go to him, knowing he needed a few minutes alone to work out his anger and frustration. He waited until he saw him walk inside the arched adobe entrance to the courtyard of the sanctuary, and then he followed him. Elan sat down heavily on the low center monument, his back to the weathered wooden cross draped with dying spring flowers. His hands were clenched into fists and Deeks kept his distance, which didn't go unnoticed.

"Afraid I'll hit you?" He asked, his voice low and drained of emotion.

"The thought did cross my mind," Deeks answered softly. "A black eye might be a little hard to explain if I run into Vera at the race tomorrow."

"I'm coming to that race. You know that, right?" The look on his face daring him to argue.

Deeks nodded and sat down next to him.

"What do I say to him?" Elan asked. "How do I explain why I haven't been around?"

"Just tell him the truth," Deeks advised.

"Which truth?" He asked roughly. "That I knew about him, but just didn't bother to find him? Or that I was living my own life while some asshole beat the shit out of him and his mother?"

"Being a little hard on yourself, don't you think?" Deeks said.

"We both know what he's going through," Elan said harshly. "You heard what that woman said."

"You knew this wouldn't be easy," Deeks said, as Elan got up, unable to sit still. "But you're here now. You want him for all the right reasons, man. Give yourself a chance to prove that to him."

"I don't know anything about being a father, Marty," he said quietly, stopping next to him. "What if I screw it up?"

"Let's worry about getting him out of here first," Deeks said as he stood up and put his hands on his shoulders. "I think your Uncle Jim and George will be willing to share their experience. You and Joe turned out pretty good."

"What if Bella won't let him go? Or what if he doesn't want anything to do with me?"

"We'll deal with whatever comes, step by step," Deeks said softly. "Focus on tomorrow."

Elan broke away and walked the perimeter of the courtyard once again as the colorful sky faded, finally stopping to stare at the worn door of the church. He stood silently, his head finally dropping to his chest as Deeks walked up behind him and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't doubt yourself, Elan," he told him softly. "You acted against Jürgen and his men without a thought for yourself and you saved me from drowning in that pit in Paris. You're strong and brave and the reason I'm standing here. Your gut instinct is to get your son out of a bad situation. Don't question that. Don't question yourself."

Elan nodded and took a deep breath, then threw an arm around Deeks as they started back to the car.

"You were good with that woman," Elan said. "She believed you."

"I'm charming," Deeks said with a wide smile. "And handsome."

"And so full of shit," Elan said, pushing him away with a laugh.

"Lily thinks I'm charming, don't you Lily?" He asked, spreading his arms wide as he sought confirmation.

She walked up to him and pulled his head down, kissing him on both cheeks before saying something softly in French and laughing gently. Kensi simply let out one of her signature cackling laughs and said something to Lily in French, causing them both to laugh.

"What? Elan?" Deeks shot a questioning look at his cousin.

"Don't ask me, Cuz," he said as he got back in the car. "She's only taught me to say a few things in French."

"Like what?" Deeks asked as he started the car.

"They are special words for lovemaking, mon amie," Lily said quietly.

"Don't forget the swear words," Elan said with a laugh. "Those come in handy in Paris."

"Do you even know what you're saying?" Deeks asked.

"I just know not to mix them up," Elan quipped. "It happened once and I shocked the hell out of an old man in line for croissants."

"His wife thought it was hilarious," Lily shared. "She patted his butt when he walked by."

The tension was finally gone, and they eventually lapsed into silence as the sky turned from indigo to a velvet black. When the scattered lights of Santa Fe appeared, signaling they were close to their temporary home, Deeks looked over at Kensi. She never looked at him, seemingly content to stare out the window, her long dark hair obscuring most of her face. He worried she was reliving her recovery from the massive injuries she'd sustained as Annie, and he reached for her hand. She looked down at his touch, covering his hand with hers and absently stroked it as her gaze once again returned to the passing shadowy landscape.

When they arrived at the hotel, Kensi grabbed her coat and said she needed to take a walk and moved quickly to distance herself. As she walked away, he was filled with a hollow sensation that made him hesitate briefly before he waved to Elan and Lily and followed her. He kept her within sight as she walked the almost deserted streets, hanging back when she stopped in the middle of the block next to a stairway going to a basement dive bar called The Matador. Rowdy music was pulsing up the stairs and the place was obviously popular and when he saw her head down the stairs, he followed. The interior was dimly lit, the walls covered with posters of heavy metal bands and old rock groups and the music was incredibly loud. He shoved past a couple of drunken bikers, anxious to keep Kensi in view, finally catching sight of her as she found a seat at the bar. He suddenly felt sad as he watched her. Seeing her alone in this seedy little bar tore at him and he couldn't stand it. He moved in behind her and then leaned in next to her as he ordered a beer.

"You don't look like you're from around here," he said.

"Crappiest pick up line ever," she said, not even turning to look at him.

"I don't get out much anymore," he replied, easing onto the now vacant barstool next to her.

"Well, that's obvious," she said.

"Can I buy you another drink, darlin'?" He drawled.

"Why?"

"Because you look like a girl I used to know," he answered.

"What was her name?"

"Annie."

She shot him a dark look, her eyes flashing a warning, but he ignored it, offering a wide smile as he took a long draught of his beer.

"I used to dance to the jukebox with her at a bar like this in a little town called Locke," he said, taking her hand. "She lit up the place."

"You think so?"

"No one could take their eyes off her," he said. "Especially me."

"And who might you be?"

"I'm Jimmy and I'd like to dance with you tonight," he said, leaning in even closer.

"Why?"

"Because you're beautiful and sad and that breaks my heart," he whispered next to her ear.

She turned her head and his lips grazed her cheek. She kissed him softly with a slight smile before taking his hand and slipping off the barstool, her eyes almost black as she looked seductively at him, gently pulling him to her as the music changed. Then she began to move to a slow Aaron Neville song and the talkative crowd around them hushed. He moved in closer, wrapping an arm around her and drawing her tight as they both swayed to the haunting song, their eyes on each other as the crowd moved to give them room. They were oblivious to those around them until the song changed to one with a rhythmic beat and she pushed him away to dance sensuously in front of him, her arms moving hypnotically above her head, watching his reaction with a soft, sexy smile. He stopped and simply watched her, as did the others that surrounded them. When the song ended, a whoop of appreciation went up from the crowd and Kensi looked surprised and then laughed as he captured her in his arms and led her out and up the stairs. They walked down the block, distancing themselves from the late night crowd on the corner and when they walked under an overhang, he pushed her against the rough adobe wall and covered her mouth with a deep, longing kiss, his hands pulling at her hips.

"God, I love you," he whispered against her lips. "I couldn't bear seeing you alone in there."

"I liked being Annie in that bar tonight," she said as she kissed him lightly, threading her fingers through his hair. "I'd forgotten how much fun we'd had in Locke before everything went to hell."

"Jimmy and Annie were quite the couple back then," he said, his grin slowly fading as he held her. "Think about the fun times, Kens. I didn't mean for it to remind you of all the pain you went through. I'm sorry."

"There's been too much pain for both of us the last couple of years," she said as she freed herself from his embrace and started walking away.

"Elan and I can go to the race tomorrow," he said as he quickly matched her stride. "You and Lily don't have to come."

She stopped and turned to face him, her sudden anger plain to see. Neither one spoke, words unnecessary as he realized how badly she had taken his attempt to protect her from the nightmarish memories.

"That woman is dangerous," she said sharply. "She took a shot at you, Deeks. Do you really think I'm going to let you go alone tomorrow?"

"Elan will be there," he said.

"And look how well that turned out last time," she snapped before she turned away.

"That's a shitty thing to say," he said, stunned by her bitterness.

"Deeks," she said, stopped by the irritation in his voice. "Do you know how hard it was for me to see you almost die again? Do you know what it does to me every time?"

"I'm sorry it hurt you, Kens," he said. "But I had to go then, just like I have to go tomorrow."

"I know," she said sadly. "But I don't know how much longer I can take it."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm not sure," she answered. "But I'm going to have your back until I can figure it out."

"Let me know when you've decided our future for us," he said harshly as he brushed past her, his mind spinning at how the evening had turned out.

"Isn't that what you've been doing?" She called after him.

"That's not fair, Kens," he said, turning to look at her. "I want to talk about our future together. Sounds to me like you're not sure we even have one."

He left her standing alone as he hurried across the street, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans, guarding against the sudden chill he felt. He heard her following him, but he was too angry to continue the argument. As he replayed the conversations they'd had over the last two days, the turmoil he was feeling made it hard to breathe, leaving him disoriented and deeply saddened. When he reached the hotel he looked back for her, but the street was empty, and all his pent up anger deflated at the sense of loss he felt.

He pushed through the heavy wooden doors of the inn and headed for the tiny bar in the back corner, thankful there were only a few people around. He ordered a shot of Jameson's before slumping into one of the overstuffed chairs by the windows overlooking the patio. He stared out into the night, thinking about just how drunk he could get without jeopardizing tomorrow. When the waiter brought his drink he ordered another, even though he was pissed at himself for doing it. He hadn't even taken a drink of the first one before the other one appeared next to it, making him think even harder about what he was doing.

"Expecting someone?" She asked as she placed her hands on his shoulders.

He looked up to see her dark reflection in the window in front of him and he blew out his breath, unsure what to say to her. She remained behind him, slowly stroking the back of his neck, and gently fingering his hair. He quickly downed one of the whiskeys, and then held up the other for her to take, watching her in the window as she slowly drained it. When she leaned over to place the glass back on the table, the touch of her dark hair against his cheek made him shiver. She ran her hand up his bare forearm as she stood back up, trailing it up his arm and over to the opening of his shirt, sliding her hand inside.

"What are you doing?" He whispered.

"Trying to say I'm sorry," she answered as her other hand crawled up into his hair, causing him to swallow hard at the warm chill her fingers caused.

Her hand moved slowly over his bare chest and he closed his eyes, unable to think clearly as she seduced him. He felt his anger disappear as she caressed him, giving in willingly to the woman he loved as she pulled his head back against her trembling body. When he opened his eyes he saw that hers were closed and he reached up to take her arm, holding her hand still against him.

"You make it hard to stay mad," he said softly as he stood up slowly and turned to face her, his hands moving possessively down her body to rest on her hips.

"I don't want you to be mad at me," she said as she pulled him close. "I love you."

"I know," he whispered, kissing her lightly.

He loved her beyond reason, so he let his mind go blank, let all the arguments and disagreements about their future dissipate, his raw desire overcoming the questions and the anger until all he wanted was to feel her silky skin against him. He led her upstairs, neither one wanting or needing to talk, letting their physical needs overpower rational thought. When they reached their room he opened it quickly because she was already tearing at his shirt, her mouth sucking at the base of his neck as she pushed him toward the bed. She was more aggressive than he had seen her in awhile and he let her take the lead, willing to succumb to whatever she desperately seemed to need from him. He tried to slow her down, but she was fierce as she threw his shirt aside and shoved him down on the bed, making him laugh out loud as she straddled him. Her hair hung over him as she stared down at him, her tongue wetting her lips, sending a pulse of sweet agony through his body. She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the floor, and her bra followed. He held his breath as she lowered her breasts toward his waiting mouth, her soft laugh the only thing in his head as his hand caressed one breast while his tongue tasted the sweetness of the other. He lost himself there as she moaned and moved above him. Then she pulled away and began to kiss his chest, licking her way down his body as he tangled his hands in her wild hair, his breath coming in short gasps as she easily got him naked, finally slowing her movements as she stroked him.

Unable to wait any longer, he grabbed her arms and flipped her on her back, her dark hair splaying across the white pillow as he pulled desperately at her jeans. She was panting as he took her, her hands moving through his hair as she gasped out his name before crushing her lips against his open mouth, her tongue fighting with his as they climaxed together. When they were both sated, he brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her tenderly, noting the fine sheen of sweat on her body as he lifted himself off of her and rolled onto his back. His own breathing was still rapid as he cooled down, and caught in his throat as she snuggled up next to him and laid her head on his shoulder, her hand moving restlessly over his chest.

"I don't blame you and Elan for what happened in Paris," she said sadly. "The thought of losing you is so hard and I've come so close so many times that I'm scared for you all the time now."

"But this is our life," he said quietly. "You're in danger every day as much as I am, Kens. Breaking up won't change that."

"But children will," she said hesitantly. "I'm used to physical danger. I know how to deal with it. I know how to protect myself, but children..."

"What are you afraid of Kens?" He interrupted.

"You're asking me to give up a job I love," she answered, suddenly agitated as she sat up on the edge of the bed.

"No I'm not. You'll just be a working mother," He sat up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "But, that's not the reason you're afraid, is it?"

"My mother gave up on me, Deeks," she said, her voice cracking as she spoke. "She didn't fight for me, she just left me and never came back. She didn't even care enough to come and get me after my dad was killed. What kind of role model is that?"

"You're not your mother, Kensi," he said firmly, standing up in front of her and looking her in the eye.

"I'm not a girly girl, Deeks," she said as her eyes shimmered with tears. "I don't go all goo-goo eyed when I see a baby. I don't talk baby talk to toddlers. I'm not that kind of woman."

"So, you're afraid you won't be a good mother?"

"Not every woman is meant to be a mother, Deeks," she said sadly. "Some of us realize it before screwing up their kid."

"My mother may not have been the best mother in the world, but I loved her," he said as he moved away from her. "She tried."

"So has Bella, and look where Elan's son has ended up," she commented, her voice angry and hard.

"You can't compare yourself to Bella," he turned to face her. "She's a drug addict. You're a strong, tough woman, Kens. I've never seen you afraid of anything. That's one of the reasons I fell in love with you."

"But I am afraid, Deeks," she said quietly. "I'm afraid if I can't give you what you want, you'll leave me."

He looked at her sadly, seeing the anguish of their dilemma on her face, his heart now torn between two desires. He had no answer for her, but he moved to comfort her, aware they were no closer to a solution then they had been the night before. All he could do was hold her as she trembled, seeing a side of her he had no idea was even there. His brave Wonder Woman now weeping softly in his arms, afraid of the future because of her painful past.

...

...


	5. Chapter 5

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 5_

...

The smell of coffee roused him and he pushed himself up a little higher on the pillow, his eyes settling on Lily as she frowned at the cup in her hand. He was surprised she persisted in making coffee in the room, remembering the curses she'd uttered after having tasted how stale it was the first day they'd been here. He was thankful she had agreed to come with him. She grounded him and he needed the distraction, especially this morning as his mind filled with questions and his emotions remained raw. She had been so understanding and stalwart in her support from the beginning and he was grateful for that. He had no idea how long they would stay together, but they were both enjoying the deep connection they felt for one another, even though neither had used the word love to express that connection. She had to fly back to Paris in a few weeks, and he would miss her more than he wanted to admit. He realized he would also miss Paris and the farm in Normandy where he had convalesced, but he smiled inwardly, knowing he would always be welcome there if he ever decided to go back. He wasn't sure he could stay away from Lily for too long, but his future was uncertain now and he would not make promises to her, knowing he might not be able to keep them after he met his son.

Not wanting to dwell too long on his troubled thoughts, his eyes turned back to Lily, traveling down her lithe body as she turned to look at him, her short blond hair messy from sleep. She put the cup of coffee down and put a hand on her hip, teasing him with an alluring look as she walked to the bed and climbed up on it, sitting cross-legged next to him.

"Bonjour, mon coeur," she said, softly smiling as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Tu es belle ce matin," he replied as his eyes roam over her body, smiling when she corrected his pronunciation.

She was one of the toughest women he'd ever known, but she loved soft, delicate colors and intricate lace underwear, something he never tired of removing. The translucent robe she was wearing over her naked body was a pale peach color, the edges lined with tiny silk flowers and it hung open revealing her small, firm breasts and the rosette nipples that he loved to kiss. He reached out to run his hand up her thigh, letting it rest on her warm ivory skin, his dusky skin tone contrasting sharply. She looked down at his hand and then began to trace the large vein in his arm with her finger until she reached his shoulder, then pulled the sheet away, slowly revealing his body. Her hand moved down his chest and rested above the dark nest of hair below his abdomen.

The French words she softly whispered made him smile and he easily lifted her and laid her body across his stomach, arching her back and making her laugh. She spread her legs, inviting him to touch her as she sprawled wantonly across him, her arms languidly draped over the edge of the bed, her eyes closed and a soft smile on her half opened mouth. She was usually very aggressive when they made love, but this morning she presented her body to him without hesitation, trusting him completely, allowing him to do as he wanted and it aroused him. He rubbed his thumb lightly over her lips, laughing quietly as her tongue licked it as it passed. He raised his leg, bringing her closer and then leaned over and kissed her breast, his own tongue moving firmly back and forth until she began to moan, his fingers entering the hot sweetness between her legs as he leaned back to watch her body move against him, trying hard to control himself. She began to stroke him, and his muscles clinched in anticipation as she worked, his fingers moving in rhythm as she murmured her favorite names for him in French. She came ecstatically and he lifted her shoulders up and covered her mouth with his before trailing kisses down her throat to her firm rosy nipples, kissing them lightly as she shivered beneath him. His hand slid up her thigh and caressed her ass, before pulling her closer and she opened her eyes as he looked down at her.

She was amazing to him, matching him shot for shot on the firing range and hard to take down when they sparred, yet incredibly feminine when she wanted to be and always sexy, no matter what she was doing. She never seemed to grow tired of listening to him speak his own language, even though she understood only a few words. She had told him it excited her and encouraged him to speak Arapaho when he made love to her. Remembering that, he lifted her and laid her body down next to him, speaking gently, telling her how beautiful she was and using his pet name for her, "cee'ese'einoo", which meant flower in his language. She laughed and then pulled him down roughly on top of her as her body began to move erotically once again, her kisses becoming urgent, sending rippling waves of ecstasy through his body until he could no longer control his need for her. He entered her as he whispered a little French and a little of his own language as he climaxed with her, their heated bodies pressing against each other, his eyes never leaving her face, wanting to see the effect he had on her. When he finally rolled away, she straddled him, looking at him solemnly as she traced the scar of one of the bullet wounds on his chest.

"I will miss you, mon chou," she said. "You have spoiled me for any other man."

Her words touched him, but made him sad, and he ran his hands up her thighs to her waist and pulled her down until they were face to face. He kissed her as tenderly as he knew how, trying to express his feeling physically because he was finding it difficult to speak. Unsure what to say, he began to speak to her in Arapaho, feeling her body slowly relax as she nestled her head beneath his chin, her fingers moving lightly over his chest.

"He will love you too, mon coeur," she whispered and he felt her tears on his chest.

"Lily."

"Do what you have to do, Elan," she said. "Que sera sera."

She kissed him softly, looking into his eyes before placing her finger over his lips to silence him. She wiped her tears away and got up, dropping her pale robe on the chair before going into the bathroom and closing the door, leaving him a little shaken and melancholy.

...

Their lunch in Taos had been a quiet one full of murmured questions and a few comments from Deeks about wanting to keep to the aliases he and Kensi had established. Elan was agreeable and refrained from talking much, his mind obviously on the horse race they were headed for and seeing his son for the first time. There was a slight hint of uneasiness between all of them, but when the bill was paid and they assembled at the back of the SUV, the agents fell into familiar habits before an operation, checking weapons and directions, agreeing to safety words, calmly assuming their normal professional personas.

"We're here for you, Elan," Deeks said as he clapped him on the shoulder. "We'll follow your lead, but take it slow, okay? Kensi and I will keep a look out for Billy's brothers and for Vera. If we see Bella, we'll alert you with a text. I don't think you should let her see you before you make contact with Soldier."

"I didn't think I would be this nervous," Elan huffed out as he shuffled his feet in the dusty gravel.

"Get in the car, big guy," Deeks guided him toward the back door. "The sooner we get there the better you'll feel."

No one spoke as they pulled out onto the highway headed for the Lazy J Ranch in the Amalia valley east of Taos. The land grew more beautiful as they followed the swollen creek that ran beside the road. The Sangre de Cristo Mountains dominated the horizon; the snowy peaks massive as dark clouds crowded them from behind, hinting at a gathering storm. A light wind swirled the new leaves of the Aspens lining the creek causing Deeks to remark how much the land reminded him of the ranch. They saw a truck hauling a horse trailer pull off onto a dirt track that wound through the trees and Kensi told Deeks to follow. They crossed the rushing creek over a solid wooden bridge and Deeks saw another truck pull in behind him.

"Looks like the right place," he said as they bounced over the rutted track that turned to follow the creek. After passing through another line of Aspens, a hidden meadow stretched out before them, covered with sparse grass and low growing wildflowers and edged with trucks and horse trailers. A low barn was tucked into amongst the trees and a couple of corrals were filled with a variety of different colored horses tied along the fence. Deeks parked in a secluded spot behind a stand of Aspen, not wanting the Freitas clan to see him with Elan, quickly grabbing his camera, but leaving the telephoto behind, causing Kensi to shoot him a questioning look.

"Look around Kens," he said with a cocky grin. "These people see that long lens, they might get the idea I'm a cop."

"What are you going to say if someone asks why you're taking pictures?" Elan asked.

"I'm gonna tell them I'm working for Vera Freitas," he quipped.

"Let's hope that works," Kensi said dryly.

"But you'll come save my ass if it doesn't, right Kens?" He asked, receiving a shrug as a reply. "Kens?"

"Did you piss her off again?" Elan asked, slapping Deeks on the back as he walked past with his arm around Lily.

"You better start calling me Annie, don't you think, Jimmy?" She said smartly as she turned and smirked at him.

He nodded and watched as she gathered up a small camera bag, packing it with a couple of additional lenses and filters, tucking her gun in a small inside pocket. She smiled at him as she walked by, waving for him to follow, her dark hair loose and gently moving in the light breeze. Deeks trotted up by her side, determined to keep Elan in sight as they made their way toward the crowd, passing more trailers and trying to stay out of the way of the horses being unloaded. He noticed several surreptitious transactions, never letting his eyes linger for long as the drugs changed hands. As they neared the first corral, one of the horses squealed and reared, yanking free of the fence, causing others to curse at the two rough looking men who finally grabbed his halter and got the frightened horse under control. Deeks fired off a couple of quick pictures, but hid his camera before anyone noticed as they made their way around groups of people. A small table had been set up for cash only betting, guarded by four men armed with handguns and rifles, and business was brisk. A white board listing the odds on the horses and riders for the first race caught Kensi's eye and she pulled Deeks toward it, stopping quickly when she saw Elan staring at it.

"Soldier's riding in this race," She whispered to Deeks.

When the crowd finally parted, Elan was standing stiffly in front of the board, a strained look on his face, his jaw tight and his hands clinched into fists. Lily took his hand in hers, stroking his arm and talking quietly to him. He nodded and then asked a man where the course was, nodding as the start and finish line were pointed out. Then he strode away, leaving Lily and moving quickly to take up a position a little past the starting line just as the horses were being led out. Deeks followed, wanting and needing to be close to him when he saw his son for the first time.

"Who'd you bet on, buddy?" Deeks asked as he sidled up next to Elan and staying in character.

"What?" Elan looked at him, taking a minute to realize what he was doing.

"I put down a couple of bucks on that Appaloosa," Jimmy said with a grin, shooting a few pictures as a tall lanky boy with long black hair led a colorfully spotted horse to the starting line, which consisted of nothing but a sprayed blue line in the dirt.

"God, he's so skinny," Elan murmured, his words dying as the breath he'd been holding rushed out, leaving him anxious.

"That jockey couldn't be more than ten or eleven," Jimmy said to a guy beside him.

"He may be a kid, but man can he ride," the man said.

"What's his name?" Jimmy asked as he shot a few more photos.

"They call him Soldier Boy," the guy answered. "Don't know his last name. Never heard him use one."

Elan's son swung easily up into the saddle, reaching down to rub his hand down the side of the horse's sweating neck, its ears pricking back as the boy spoke softly to him. The seven horses in the race milled and bumped each other along the starting line, but Soldier continued to talk to the Appaloosa, and the horse stayed calm. When the flag dropped to signal the start, the horses on either side bumped into him and the Appie shied, but Soldier quickly righted him and shouted out to urge him on and the quarter horse leaped forward, gaining back the ground he had lost as he flew down the course. The boy's long black hair and size distinguished him from the other riders as he flashed past them, gaining the lead as he leaned low over the neck of the horse. Deeks felt Elan grip his arm tightly as he watched, but he freed himself to shoot off more photos, the motor drive clicking off shot after shot as his heart raced along with the horses. When he lowered the camera, Elan was gone.

"He's headed for the finish line," Kensi said close to his ear as she pulled him after her.

As they started to head down the course, a big man with a rough beard stepped in front of him. He was wearing a grey baseball cap pulled low over his greasy hair and a denim jacket with the sleeves cut off, revealing muscular arms covered in tats. Deeks immediately recognized Eduardo Freitas from his mugshot. The man shoved him hard in the chest and he felt Kensi stiffen as another man moved in behind him.

"You a cop, asshole?" He asked, gripping the fabric of Deeks' shirt and reaching for the camera as he pushed him against the man behind him.

"I think he's a real stupid cop, Eddy," the man behind him said in a low voice. "Ain't ya now, dude?"

"I'm a professional photographer, boys, so just lighten up," Jimmy Satterlee said with a smile as he kept a firm grip on his camera. "A nice lady up in Truchas invited me and asked me to take pictures of her horses."

"And who might that be, asshole?" Eddy growled, still trying to take the camera.

"Vera Freitas," he answered.

"Liar," the man behind him said, slugging him hard in the back, staggering him.

"Leave him alone, Vic," Vera Freitas said quietly as she pushed through the small crowd that had gathered. "He ain't lyin'."

Deeks plastered the smile back on his face as Kensi took his arm, and he saw her eyes flash with a flicker of annoyance and anger as she looked between the members of the Freitas clan.

"These are my boys, Vic and Eddy," Vera Freitas said. "They're just protecting what we got going here."

"And doing a bang up job," Deeks said quickly. "Just glad I'm not a cop."

"If I thought you were a cop, you wouldn't be standin'," Vic said, as he stepped from behind him, spitting on the ground with a sneer.

The man was slightly shorter than his brother, and better dressed, wearing a blue plaid western shirt and a white straw cowboy hat. He wore a silver bracelet on one wrist and he stood erect like a banty rooster, his chest puffed out and his hands on his hips.

"You get some good shots of Soldier Boy on Anasazi?" Vera asked as her sons stared at him.

"I did, and even made a little money," he laughed, trying to ignore the pain pulsing in his back.

"He'll be riding Zuni in the next race," Vera said as she sent a silent signal to her sons that had them reluctantly leaving.

"I'll be sure and get some good shots," he promised as he started past her. "I'll set up near the finish line this time. He's quite a jockey. Kind a young to be riding though, isn't he? I mean, shouldn't he be in school today?"

"That's none of your damn business," she said softly, her eyes inquisitive as she lifted her chin and stared at him. "You do your job and Soldier will do his."

"Yes ma'am," he said as he took Kensi's arm and walked away.

"What a charming family," Kensi said. "You okay?"

"Nothing that a couple of ibuprofen won't fix," he said with a touch of anger.

They found Elan near the finish line carefully watching Soldier move around the horse, loosening the cinch before a man came up to lead the gelding away. The boy barely acknowledged the compliments given by the people milling around or the jockeys he had just beaten, mostly keeping his eyes downcast as he started to walk back up to the starting line for the next race. Elan moved along the sideline, following him until a man jerked the kid to a stop midway down the course, gripping his arm tightly as he talked urgently in his ear. Elan was about to intervene until Deeks put a hand on his shoulder, making him stop. He angrily turned around, breaking free of the hold he had on him.

"That's Billy Freitas," Deeks said with a warning look. "This isn't the time, man."

Billy shoved the boy toward the starting line and Elan let out a long sigh as he stood anxiously watching him go.

"He's beautiful, Elan," Lily said softly as she came up behind him and ran a comforting hand down his back.

"He looks just like you, buddy," Deeks said in a low voice.

The next field of horses was already at the line waiting for their jockeys, and Elan searched for his son among them. The last horse to be led up to the start was bigger than the rest of the field, almost blue black in color and acting unruly, fighting the lead and sweating profusely as he danced into his place. Elan went rigid as Soldier was given a leg up onto the dark horse's back. The horse squealed and nipped at the horse next to him and they all could see the boy was having trouble controlling him.

"No, no, no," Elan said beneath his breath. "That's a stallion. He shouldn't be riding that horse."

"That's Zuni," a cowboy standing nearby said. "He's trouble."

"That's the one Vera told me to bet on," Deeks said, tension evident in his voice.

The flag dropped and the field of horses broke, the loud shouts of fans almost drowning out the thundering beat of the horses' hooves as they pounded down the quarter mile track. The black horse reared at the start, almost unseating Soldier, but he held onto his mane and kicked him solidly and the horse began to run, rapidly gaining on the horses in front of him. When the other horses flashed by, they saw Zuni begin to fight against the bit, tossing his head and then begin to buck, tossing Soldier off as he squealed and reared up over the boy who still had one of the reins in his hand. He quickly got to his feet, dodging the sharp hooves and trying to control the horse. Elan bolted for them, launching himself at the stallion's head, grabbing the bridle with one hand and an ear with the other, using his full body weight to pulled the horse's head down to keep him from rearing, while Soldier continued to pull on the rein. The horse bit and fought, but Elan was strong and the horse suddenly shuddered and stopped fighting, blowing out his breath, his eyes wild with terror.

"You okay, son?" Elan asked, taking a quick look at him, trying to see if he was hurt.

"Yeah. Thanks," he answered, out of breath and a little unsteady.

Billy Freitas ran up behind Soldier and grabbed his shirt, yanking him around as he yelled at him.

"You little sonofabitch. What the hell is wrong with you?" Billy said as he jerked him up close.

Elan let go of the black horse and rushed Billy, slamming a big hand into his throat, pushing him away from the boy and knocking him to the ground with blood pouring from his nose.

"You put a boy on a juiced stallion?" Elan shouted down at him. "What'd you shoot that horse up with, you stupid bastard? Frog juice? Meth? What? You could of got this kid killed."

"I can handle him," Soldier shouted at him. "You don't know nothin'."

"I know a doped horse when I see one," he said, breathing hard as the Freitas clan surrounded him.

"You're messing in our business, Indian," Eddy said as he took a step toward him.

Deeks stepped up next to Elan, as did Lily and Kensi. Vera Freitas helped Billy to his feet and then told him to take the horse away. The crowd was now shouting out questions, wanting to know if the races were fixed and the Freitas boys loudly defended themselves. Elan turned to find his son in all the chaos and saw him being tended by a woman who looked up at him, her face so familiar and now frozen in shock.

"Elan?"

"Hello, Bella."

...

...


	6. Chapter 6

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 6_

...

It was if all sound had been sucked out of the air around them and the people, known and unknown, appeared to move in slow motion. Even the movements of the passing horses made no sound, at least not any that registered at that moment. He had never felt this kind of connection before. Not with anyone, even with Lily or his uncle. He did not love Bella, maybe never had, but as he looked between her and the son they had made together, the connection was powerful and he thought she felt it too. The look on his son's face showed confusion and even defiance, which somehow made him proud. The boy was brave, braver than he should have to be at his age, reminding him of himself as a young boy. He could see it in the depth behind his eyes, that same will to survive, to not be overpowered by the circumstances he finds himself in. He is his own man, even though he is only eleven. He is a fighter. Maybe not a victorious one yet, but one determined to make his own way in the hard surroundings of his life.

"You're bleeding," Bella said softly as she pointed at the blood on his torn shirt where the horse had bit him.

Elan shrugged, still unable to say anything other than her name. It made Bella smile, and then she looked as she had when he first became enamored of her. It softened the scars of the beatings she'd endured, and her eyes still radiated a warmth amid the wildness that had attracted him from the beginning. Soldier had inherited those same bottomless, dark eyes and he couldn't look away from him as the boy stared back with searching eyes and maybe a hint of skepticism.

"Who the hell are you?" A discordant, but curiously soft voice pierced through his reverie and he turned to stare into the face of Vera Freitas.

"My name is Elan Hand," he said, finding his voice as he stretched to his full height and lifted his head as he spoke. "Soldier is my son."

The announcement stopped every one of the Freitas clan except Soldier, who whipped his head around to gaze open mouthed at his mother, who nodded and reached for him. He stepped away from her, pulling free as he turned toward Elan, his face full of questions and his eyes wide with turmoil and uncertainty. Elan saw the indecision and then a hard resolve settle on his features as he struggled to make a decision.

"This is bullshit," he spit out angrily and then turned and ran.

Elan felt a strong hand grip his arm and yank him around before he could follow and he looked calmly at Eddy Freitas.

"You ain't got no claim on that boy," he said nastily.

Elan smiled at that and then looked down at the man's hand on his arm before slowly pulling free.

"Don't ever touch me again," he said, his voice low and calm and firm.

"Elan, don't," Bella said. "Let me talk to Soldier."

"He's a part of my family now, Elan Hand," Vera said, putting an arm around Bella. "And I don't intend for that to change. You got to see him, but that's all you're gonna get. Understand?"

"We need to talk, Bella," he said, ignoring Vera completely, and by the look on her face she wasn't used to that.

"She don't talk to nobody I don't want her to," Billy Freitas said darkly as he stepped between them.

"Your nose is still bleeding," Elan said easily. "We can do this the civilized way or I can just beat the shit out of you like you've been doing to Bella."

"You think you can take all three of us?" Billy grinned and looked cockily over at his two brothers.

"Yes."

Billy blinked at that and looked uneasily at his mother who had stepped away from Bella, and was shrewdly evaluating him. He looked steadily at her, slowly preparing for what might happen next, feeling Lily close behind.

"You got fifteen minutes," Vera finally said and pushed Bella toward him. "Come on boys, we got horses to load."

Vera waved her boys away, but there was menace in their glares as they walked off, Billy the last to follow. Elan turned to look at Lily, who stepped back with a sad smile on her face as he wrapped an arm around Bella's waist and walked her toward the trees. He was surprised he saw no sign of Deeks or Kensi, wondering briefly why his cousin had left him to face the Freitas brothers alone. It bothered him, feeling a touch of annoyance as he stopped at a picnic table and pulled Bella down next to him on the seat. He reached up and gently touched her hair, no longer a shiny black, but still long and then brushed his fingers across the pale bruise on her cheek.

"Why do you let him hit you?" His voice just a whisper of sadness.

"Some of us don't have choices," she said stiffly, pushing his hand away. "He wasn't always like this. He was gored by a bull and he's in a lot of pain all the time."

"And hitting you makes him feel better?" He asked roughly.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said. "It's none of your business, anyway. You left me, remember? Billy got me out of there."

"And this is so much better?" He was desperately trying to understand, but she just shook her head and looked over at Lily, who stood watching them.

"She your new girlfriend?" Her bitterness was raw and painful to hear.

"Bella? Does he hit Soldier?"

"What do you want, Elan?" She suddenly asked.

"I want to know my son," he answered softly.

She nodded and stared down at her lap, absently rubbing her thumb nervously over the palm of her other hand. He put his hand over hers to make her stop, and she raised her eyes to his, her face weathered and cruelly altered. She had been beautiful once, but now it made him angry and sad just to look at her.

"I try and keep him from it," she said as her hand fluttered up to touch the bruise on her face.

"Bella," he said, understanding what it had cost her. "Let me take him away from here. Away from these people."

"Away from me," she stated sadly. "He's all I got, Elan. He's all I got left of you."

"You could have waited," he answered, causing her to laugh.

"I wasn't the patient type back then," she said, taking his hand and slowly stroking it.

"They're gonna get him killed, Bella," he pleaded. "You know they pumped that stallion full of drugs. He's a good rider, but he's still a kid. That horse could have killed him, Bella."

"Vera won't let that happen," she said. "He brings in too much money. And she cares about him, sort of..."

"What happens to him when he loses?" He asked quietly when her voice trailed off.

"I gotta go," she said nervously and stood up.

"Let me take him back to Wyoming," he asked. "Please, Bella."

"I told him about you," she whispered as she stood apart from him. "But this is all he's ever known."

"Illegal horse racing and drug dealers?" He said, raising his voice for the first time. "Is that what you want for him? You want him to end up like Billy or one of his dumb fuck brothers?"

"He won't want to go," she said as if to convince herself. "He won't leave me."

"Do what's best for him, Bella," he pleaded. "Before it's too late."

"Did you ever love me?" Her question caught him off guard and he had no idea what to say, not wanting to hurt her.

"We made a beautiful kid together," he finally answered. "We'll always have a strong connection because of that."

"Don't come around anymore, Elan," she warned. "Don't mess with this family. They'll hurt you. They'll hurt you bad if you tangle with 'em. Trust me on that."

"Then let me take him away from them," he urged once again. "I'll take you too, if you want."

She laughed at that and shook her head, walking solemnly past Lily without a glance, leaving Elan dejected and frustrated. He didn't realize how angry he was until he looked past Bella to see Deeks smiling and talking to Vera Freitas.

"What the hell is he doing?" He asked as Lily came up to him.

"I think he's still undercover," she answered, putting a comforting hand on his arm.

He sat heavily down on the edge of the picnic table, his thoughts stormy as he searched for Soldier among the Freitas brothers as they finished loading the horses. He watched Deeks shake hands with Vera Freitas and then Billy and a deep resentment flared unchecked. Bella got in one of the trucks and Deeks waved as the three trucks drove out, leaving Elan feeling bereft for a son he had barely spoken to.

His anger sparked as Deeks started walking towards him, unsure what to say and confused as to why he hadn't backed him up. Lily kept a hand on his arm, but his hand closed into a fist as Deeks stopped in front of him.

"I know you're pissed, but let me explain," Deeks said as he spread his arms out, trying to placate him.

"Where the hell did you go, Marty? I was counting on you to have my back," Elan spit out angrily. "Why'd you run out on me, Cuz?"

"I couldn't let them know we're here together, buddy," he answered. "I'm going over there tonight."

"What?"

"I'm her photographer," he said. "She wants to see the pictures and I want to see that family up close and personal. The more we know the better decisions we make. If I see Soldier, I might be able to get him to talk to me."

"It will be dangerous, mon amie," Lily said. "Those men are not rational."

"It's our only way inside," Deeks answered. "Besides, I think Vera likes me."

"Is Kensi going with you?" Elan asked.

"No, and she's not happy," he answered as Kensi drove the SUV up close by and stopped, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

"She can take care of herself, mon amie," Lily said. "You shouldn't go alone."

"I don't want her anywhere near those guys," he said quickly. "And, she'd be a distraction."

"Don't let her hear you say that," Lily cautioned.

"I don't like it," Elan said sharply.

"I'm just going there to talk about my photos," he said, gently smiling at their concern. "And maybe learn a little more about Soldier."

"What if she isn't seduced by your charming personality?" Kensi sniped as she came up behind him. "What if someone reports us standing here talking with Elan? What if Billy and the boys confront you?"

"I know how to talk my way out of things, Kens," he said.

"Not always," she responded with flashing eyes. "I'm coming."

"She's right," Elan said. "You said you'd follow my lead. Well, either Kensi goes with you, or I do."

"Okay, okay," Deeks finally agreed.

"Good," Kensi nodded as she headed for the car. "I'll try not to distract you, Prince Charming."

"You are in trouble, mon amie," Lily said with a smile.

"All the time, darlin'," Deeks replied. "All the time."

...

The sun had settled into the low clouds on the horizon as they drove through the gate to the Freitas ranch. Deeks was surprised it was open, and quickly scanned the area as he drove through, noting that the trucks and horse trailers that had been at the races were nowhere to be seen. They parked next to a very old Dodge pickup that had seen better days, its paint rubbed off in places, revealing several paint jobs down through its lifetime, the bed stacked with hay bales. The only other car was a red '65 Mustang, meticulously restored and polished to a high sheen. Deeks caught Kensi's eye as he walked past it, and he raised his eyebrows at the unexpected discovery.

"Didn't figure her for a classic car buff," Deeks whispered as they walked up the flagstone steps to the turquoise door. The house was a single story adobe, its walls softly curving at the corners with a heavy beam carved with geometric shapes over the door. A soft glow emanated from the multi-paned windows on either side as they waited for someone to answer their knock. The sudden, deep bark of a large dog made them instinctively take a step back as the door opened to reveal a muscular, but wiry man in a red tank top with grey hair tied back in a ponytail. Deeks immediately recognized the prison tattoos on his arms and around his neck and chest, but the soft, genuine smile surprised him.

"Hiya, amigo," he said, his voice quiet as he reached out to shake Deeks' hand. "I'm Ernesto, Vera's brother."

"Jimmy Satterlee and this is Annie," Deeks replied as Kensi stepped up next to him.

"Sorry, didn't see ya there," Ernesto said to Kensi as he grabbed the collar of a sleek, brindled Greyhound that pushed forward to greet them. "This sweetie is Cisco. He's a rescue dog. Used to race. Was pretty good I hear."

Ernesto pulled the dog back and waved them inside a wide foyer paved in stone and cluttered with a couple of western saddles and strewn with muddied boots. They followed the man under an arched entrance into a large open room with a wood ceiling dominated by large vigas. Worn leather couches and chairs were grouped around a large beehive fireplace that had a low burning fire going, filling the room with the sweet, smoky smell of piñon. A huge wooden bookcase adjacent to it overflowed with books, Indian pottery, and storyteller dolls like those they had seen in Santa Fe. Smaller artifacts were scattered across a round table along with a couple of cowboy hats and an old Colt pistol Deeks quickly took notice of. Magazines of all kinds were piled in stacks along the floor, some toppled and spilling over onto the rust colored flagstone floor. A long carved table backed the couch, it's surface hidden by a couple of unfolded maps, racing forms, and a stack of local newspapers draped with a black bridle decorated with silver, diamond shaped studs. A large western painting of a cattle drive on the back wall drew Kensi's attention and Ernesto began telling her about it while Deeks examined some of the books on a small table under a wall covered in old family photographs. He noticed Hillenbrand's book on Seabiscuit, one called Loot, about stolen treasures and Fifty Shades of Grey, which caused him to raise his eyebrows and smile a crooked grin.

The Greyhound wove his way through the room and lay down in front of the fireplace on a red and brown Navajo rug and then growled softly as Vera Freitas entered the room. She was wearing a tight fitting and rather revealing turquoise top over tight jeans. Her hand-tooled belt was ornate and sported a silver buckle inlaid with turquoise and coral and she had a large drink in her hand. Ignoring Kensi and her brother, she walked purposefully over to Deeks.

"My family's been here since the 1850's," she said, nodding towards the old photos as she took a swallow of her drink, her eyes never leaving Deeks' face. "One even fought in the Lincoln County War. Told my grandmother he knew Billy the Kid, but that was probably bullshit. Probably ran away during the fighting, just like most of the cowardly men on that side of the family. My dad was a weak ass shit, what about yours?"

"You drinkin' alone?" Deeks asked, deciding not to answer.

"Ernesto, bring this handsome young man some tequila and something for his little girlfriend," she said as her eyes traveled down his body. "And bring me another one. I need it."

"I think you got a head start on me," he said with a slow smile.

"Oh honey, after today, I'm way ahead of you," she said, her eyes growing hard as she slammed her glass down on the table.

"It was a crazy day," he said. "How's your grandson? That black stallion scared the shit out of me, so I can't imagine what it did to your boy."

"That boy can take care of himself most days," she answered as she stepped closer. "Today wasn't one of 'em. But, he'll learn. I'll make sure of that."

"That Indian who jumped in there was pretty impressive," he said. "Do you know him?"

"I do now," she said with a low voice.

Ernesto handed Deeks a large tumbler of tequila, no ice or salt and no slice of lime like he was used to. Vera clinked her glass against his, signaling silently to her brother to leave. Deeks thought he saw sadness in the man's eyes, but he didn't know him well enough to read him. He watched as the ex-con took Kensi by the arm and led her out of the room, promising to show her more paintings, closely followed by the Greyhound.

"Is Soldier around? I'd love to talk to him about his riding," Deeks asked with a wide smile. "That kid was something to watch today. I've got some great photos of him to show you."

"He's in the doghouse after today," she said as she put her glass down. "He messed up and you always gotta pay when you mess up something I ask you to do."

"You mean you're punishing him?" Deeks asked, trying to keep the anger off his face and out of his voice.

"Not your concern, Sugar," she answered as she took his arm. "Let's go sit by the fire."

"The photos are on my tablet," Deeks said, slightly tensing as he picked up his bag, bothered by her sudden familiarity.

"No rush," she laughed and led him toward the fire.

Vera sunk into the corner of the couch, pulling Deeks down next to her, her hazel eyes assessing him, a half smile on her lips. He took a quick drink of the tequila and pushed aside the clutter of magazines on the low table in front of him before setting the glass down and pulling out his iPad. When the first images appeared on the screen, she edged closer and leaned against his shoulder, resting her hand on his thigh and making him decidedly uncomfortable. He looked down at her hand and then up into her eyes, trying to decide if she was just teasing or was seriously making a move on him. What he saw almost made him gag.

"You're kinda sexy, Jimmy. Any other talent you want to show me?" Her voice slurring slightly as her hand moved up his thigh.

"You trying to seduce me Mrs. Robinson?" Deeks laughed, trying to use some humor to derail her obvious intentions.

"I loved that movie," she whispered close to his ear. "But you're a hell of a lot sexier than that actor. What's his name?"

"Dustin Hoffman," he said, moving away from her and turning back to his iPad, totally unsure how to handle the unexpected advances. She was the key to reaching Soldier and he couldn't jeopardize that, but the thought of giving into her was more than a little repulsive.

"You seem a little nervous, Jimmy," she said as she ran her hand across his shoulder and up into his hair. "What's wrong with a little fun before business?"

"Annie and I have a thing," he said.

"So what," she said coolly.

"So, I don't like him fooling around on me," Kensi's voice echoed sharply through the room.

Deeks had never been so glad to see her in his life. She was standing boldly in the doorway, her hands on her hips and a look of jealousy and fire in her eyes.

"Possessive little thing," Vera laughed.

"Damn right, lady," Kensi said.

"You can't blame me, can you?" Her hand dropped to his shoulder and then trailed down his arm before she moved away from him.

"Let's go, Jimmy," Kensi said as she moved closer, her eyes locked with his.

"I hired you to take pictures for me and you ain't leavin' till I see 'em," Vera said, her voice now void of all friendliness.

"Of course," Deeks replied, shooting a warning look at Kensi, hoping she would understand.

He slowly went through the photos one by one, but got no response to any of them from Vera Freitas. The temperature in the room was icy now and he began to fear what happened had cost them any hope of getting to Soldier. He looked up at Kensi and saw the same concern on her face and a hint of an apology as well. They both knew that sometimes you had to do things while undercover that made you literally sick, and this experience had made him assess just how far he was willing to go to help Elan reach his son. His stomach was in knots by the time he finished showing her the photographs, unsure what she would do or say.

"Let me think about it," Vera said coldly as she stood up stiffly between them.

"I'm sorry about earlier, but I like to keep things professional," Deeks stammered.

"I don't like being teased," Vera looked at Kensi and then let her eyes trail over Deeks, who had a confused look on his face, knowing he hadn't done anything to lead her on.

"Come on out to the barn," she said pointedly to Deeks. "I want to show you something. You stay here, little lady. Ernesto will keep you company."

The ex-con was leaning against the doorframe, his face unreadable, but placid, his eyes on Kensi. Deeks looked at her and she nodded slightly, knowing they had to chance it if they were to repair the now tenuous connection with Vera. He turned to follow the woman as she led him into a hallway toward a side door. When they stepped outside, a cold wind was blowing, the sky clear and alive with stars and he hesitated as she took his arm, pulling him toward the large barn looming darkly against the massive mountains.

"Your girl wears the pants, huh?" She said as she walked beside him. "You're weak, Jimmy, but I'm used to that. I'm surrounded by weak men. They all do what I say, and that's the only thing that makes them smart. Sometimes though, they need a lesson to remind them who's in charge. Now, you're not part of my family, but I like you, so let me give you some advice. Don't make me angry, Jimmy. You do what I want and we'll get along just fine. If you don't, I'll hurt you and your little girlfriend."

He managed to keep his own sudden anger at bay, at least from making it known to the complex, crazy woman beside him. He tried to mentally prepare for what was coming, wishing he had a weapon, unsure if this was going to be a physical threat or a psychological one, but knowing it wouldn't be subtle. When they entered the barn, he tried to take comfort from the familiar smells and the soft snuffling of the horses in their stalls, but his mind was racing and his muscles quivering with tension as she stopped in front of a low door in the side of the barn.

"Let me show you what happens to someone who makes me mad," she said as she pushed the door open.

Her body blocked his vision, but he heard a rifle being cocked and he stopped. Vera turned and leveled the rifle at his stomach and motioned him inside the chilly room and pointed down steep cement stairs lit by a single flickering light bulb.

"You been askin' about Soldier all night," she said. "You seem real anxious to talk to him, so now's your chance, Jimmy."

"What the hell?"

"Go on down," she said, motioning with the rifle.

He thought briefly of making a move for the rifle, but he knew deep down she would have no problem with shooting him. There was nothing but a roaring in his ears as he slowly followed the dimly lit stairs to the bottom, his heart drumming hard as he reached a heavy wooden door that was bolted shut.

"Open it," she ordered.

The smell of warm sweat engulfed him as he pulled the door open, a muted whimper and the sound of scuffling the only indication there was a person inhabiting the solid darkness of the suffocating, windowless room. He turned toward her in a rage, but she raised the rifle and laughed.

"Get in there, Sugar," she said softly. "Me and my boys will look after your girlfriend while you talk to Soldier. Hope you're not afraid of the dark."

...


	7. Chapter 7

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 7_

...

The door shut behind him with a thick dull thud, sending a chilling flush through his entire body, a mix of rage and fear and anxiety. He felt the suffocating blackness close in around him like a cloak when he heard the bolt shoved into place, locking him in with Elan's son and all of his worst memories. His mouth suddenly became dry and he stumbled forward, his hand reaching out, searching for any wall to anchor himself in the disorienting darkness. A pungent odor seeped into his nostrils, reminding him he wasn't alone and he fought to calm his mounting nervousness. His fingers finally felt the rough texture of cement and he pushed both hands flat against the wall, swallowing what little spit was left in his mouth. He could feel the beat of his heart in his ears and he knew he was close to a full on panic attack, his mind reeling between thoughts of fighting for his life in the watery pit in Paris and waking in the dark cell in South Africa to blinding pain, waiting for Jürgen's touch. He forced himself forward, pressing his forehead into the cold wall in front of him as he began to pant, silently trying to trick his mind into returning to the present, angry at the familiar loss of control.

"A little light comes in under the door," a soft voice said. "You just have to wait till your eyes get used to it."

He flinched at the sound of the young boy's comforting words, almost laughing at the relief he felt. He turned toward the voice; his shoulder brushing the wall as he slowly eased his body down onto the rough dirt floor.

"Thanks, buddy," he whispered. "I hate dark places."

"Yeah, me too," Soldier said.

"My name's Jimmy," he said after taking a deep calming breath, grateful for the boy's few words.

"You musta really messed up for Vera to stick you down here with me, dude," the boy said.

"That's one way to put it," he replied, instantly filled with sick worry for Kensi.

"I'm Soldier," the boy said, his voice reminding him of Elan.

"I know," he answered. "I was shooting pictures of you today at the races. You're really something on a horse."

"Shoulda done better so she didn't stick me down here in the shithole," he said meekly

"How often does she put you down here?"

"Not as much as she used to," he said softly. "I'm a better rider now and I don't talk back as much anymore. She don't like that. It makes her mad when people don't do what she wants."

"I think I'm getting that message," Deeks replied, his fists clenching in the darkness.

He could see a little bit better now, and could just make out a shadowy hint of the boy's body, his bare arms wrapped around his legs pulled tight to his naked chest, trying to keep warm in the cold room. He wore only jeans and had no shoes and Deeks' anger flared at the cruelty the boy had become so used to and at the people subjecting him to it. He quickly stripped off his shirt and moved to cover the boy, but he scrambled back into the corner, his breath coming in fast gasps.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Soldier," he said softly. "This shirt's pretty warm and I'm wearing a tee shirt underneath, so I'm good without it."

He held the soft flannel shirt out to him and waited, knowing just how hard it was for the boy to trust him. His heart fluttered with thoughts of his own childhood, and his hard held distrust of any adult until he met a few who convinced him everyone wasn't out to hurt him. He hoped Elan's son would realize he was one of the good guys, so he continued to hold the shirt out to him until the boy began to move cautiously toward him.

"You a friend of Billy?" Soldier asked as he quickly put on the warm shirt, wrapping it tightly around his body.

"No way," Deeks growled. "The guy's an asshole."

Deeks heard a soft laugh from the boy, but he was still hesitant to break cover and tell him about his relationship with his real father. He struggled with how to proceed, knowing this might be his only chance. If the boy told Vera, he wasn't sure he would get out of this place alive and it would leave Kensi in danger as well.

"So, she's punishing you, yeah?" Deeks said. "What for? The horse threw you, buddy. Losing that race wasn't your fault."

"I'm not supposed to get thrown," he answered.

"You're lucky you weren't killed," Deeks responded. "If that big guy hadn't jumped in there and grabbed the bridle, that horse might have trampled you."

"Yeah, that was pretty cool," he said.

"Do you know him?" Deeks asked hesitantly.

"Naw," the boy answered. "I think he knows my mama. Told Vera he was my dad, but that's gotta be bullshit cause I ain't never seen him before."

"Why would he lie?" Deeks asked.

"Don't know," he answered. "Mama told me my dad was in the army, but Eddy said they don't let Indians in the service."

"And you believed that?"

"I don't never believe anything that guy says," he answered quietly, but hurriedly added a plea. "Please don't tell him I said that, okay? He'll knock me around if you do."

"Eddy and I aren't on the best of terms, so everything we say here stays between us. We're in this together now, buddy," Deeks said. "But, I'm sorry for what you're going through."

"Can't do nothing about it," he said with resignation. "So, I just try and stay outa their way."

"I used to hide out at a friend's house when my dad got drunk and mean," Deeks' voice softened as he spoke. "Do you have a place you can go when things get too tough?"

"A trailer in the upper pasture," he said. "Ernesto goes there once in awhile, too. He's okay."

"Does he protect you from the others?" Deeks asked.

"Mostly just talks to Cisco, his dog," Soldier said softly.

"So no one looks out for you like a real dad would?"

"Billy acts like he's my dad, but he ain't," the boy said with a bit of anger. "He was really pissed about that guy who helped me. He kept yellin' at Mama, but she stood up to him this time, so he came after me."

"Did he hurt you?"

"Twisted my arm a little, but Vera told him to leave me alone," he said quietly. "Then she marched me down here."

"When was that?"

"Before dinner," he said. "I kinda lose track of time down here. I replay all the races in my head so I don't think about how hungry I am. Don't know how long it's been this time."

His urge to comfort the boy was warring with the deep-seated desire to beat the shit out of Vera and her sons. He had to take the chance and tell the boy about his father. He would deal with the consequences when they came.

"Do you know what partners are, Soldier?" He finally asked.

"I guess."

"Partners look out for each other," he shared. "They can tell each other anything and keep each other's secrets. You and I are partners now that we've been stuck down here in the shithole together. Whatever you tell me, I'll keep secret and whatever I tell you will just be between us. Okay?"

"Okay." Soldier nodded his head, the soft glint of a smile showing vaguely in the darkness.

"What I'm about to say could get me killed if you tell," he confided.

"I won't," the boy promised.

"I know your father, and he's a pretty terrific person," Deeks said quietly. "He's the man who helped you today. His name is Elan Hand and he's Arapaho and a decorated Army Ranger who did two tours in Afghanistan. He lives in Wyoming and works with his uncle breeding horses. He's saved my life a couple of times, and I've saved his, so we're as close as brothers. I know for a fact that he is your father and that he would never lie to you. He came here to find you, and I came to help him do that."

The boy said nothing. Deeks could hear him expel a quick breath of air before scooting back into the darkness of the corner. He waited for his words sink in, afraid to push him too quickly and wondering if he could trust the boy. If he broke his promise not to tell Vera, Deeks knew he had to be prepared to fight his way out and his mind turned to Kensi and the fear he felt for her. He silently chided himself for letting her come, afraid for her, even though he knew how strong she was.

"Didn't he want me when I was born?" The broken voice whispered from the corner.

"He was in Afghanistan," Deeks answered. "He didn't know about you until he got home, but your mom had already taken you and left with Billy. He searched for you, Soldier, but he couldn't find you until he had a little help from some friends of mine."

"Does he have his own family?" Soldier asked as he scooted a little closer, obviously curious now.

"He lives with his uncle, Jim Littleshield on a ranch on the Wind River Reservation," Deeks replied softly. "His cousin Joe is like a brother to me. Joe's father George sort of adopted me. That's his only family. They're good, kind people, buddy."

"Mama used to tell me stories about Jim Littleshield," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "She said he was the kindest man she'd ever known and that he could gentle a horse just by talkin' to him."

"What did she tell you about your father?"

"Not too much," he replied. "She told me he was a soldier and that's why she gave me my name. She always gets tears in her eyes when she talks about him. Said he was the best rider she'd ever seen. Even better than me."

The dark quiet closed in around them as Deeks shared stories about Elan with his son. The boy slowly edged closer to him until he could feel his breath on his shoulder, leaning in towards him as he listened. He could hear his breathing begin to slow and Deeks knew he was close to sleep. Finally the boy's head dropped onto his shoulder, his lithe body slumping against his arm and he let his voice fade, a slight smile gracing his lips as he savored the closeness of a newfound member of his adopted family.

...

The greyhound gently rested his chin on Kensi's leg, causing her to jerk awake and search the room with angry eyes. Ernesto smiled from the couch, laying the book he'd been reading on his lap as he stared at her. Kensi quickly checked the old clock on the table, furious when she realized it was now almost one in the morning and Deeks had been gone for over five hours. She had tried to fight her way to where Vera had taken Deeks when she'd returned alone, but the woman had held a gun on her while Ernesto tied her to the chair. After Vera left around ten she had pleaded with the ex-con to tell her what Vera had done to Deeks, crazy with fear that he was lying dead in a field somewhere. Finally, the man had told her where he was, which did nothing to quell her fear, understanding what the dark enclosed space might do to him. She had struggled against the ropes for a while, but had finally succumbed to exhaustion and fallen into a troubled sleep. Now awake, she pleaded with him once again.

"Please don't leave him there all night," she whispered.

"Why?" The man asked.

"He was held captive in a dark cell," she ventured. "He was tortured there."

She saw Ernesto's face change then, his eyes going soft and he looked down at the book in his lap. He began to run his hand slowly over the page as his breathing became heavy, causing the greyhound to raise his head and then go to him, whining softly as he nudged his hand with his nose. Ernesto looked solemnly at the dog, his hand moving to the dog's long head, stroking him gently as tears pooled in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." The words croaked out and surprised Kensi. "I was in solitary a couple of times. Dark in there. Got crazy pictures in my head."

"Please let us go," she pleaded.

The sound of the front door opening ended her plea and she stared into the leering face of Eddy Freitas. He stopped, slapping a hand across his brother's chest before pointing at her, his smile growing wider by the minute. Both men took off their hats and dutifully hung them on the proper pegs before they sauntered slowly into the room.

"Vera forgot to mention you, sexy lady," Eddie said as he stood nonchalantly in front of her, his knee resting against hers. "This is gonna be more fun than we thought, bro."

"Oh yeah," Vic agreed.

He pressed against her from behind and toyed with her hair, sliding his hand down to her shoulder and then around her neck. Her eyes flashed with annoyance and then fear as the man's dirty hand slipped inside her shirt and then inside her bra, his harsh laugh infuriating her as she struggled against the ropes holding her tightly to the chair. Eddy knelt down in front of her and ran his hands up her thighs and she kicked him solidly in the knee as she fought them. He jumped to his feet and slapped her across the face, but it only made her angrier and she kicked out viciously, the toe of her boot connecting solidly with his ankle, making him hop backwards away from her. Vic stood back, laughing as his brother limped around the room fuming, his eyes dark and his nostrils flaring with pain.

"It ain't funny," he yelled.

"The hell it ain't," Vic said, still laughing. "I think she likes me more than she likes you, little brother."

"Didn't Vera want you boys to take care of Soldier and that photographer?" Ernesto asked from the couch. "You know how she gets when you fuck up."

"Yeah, the night's still young," Vic said as he pulled Kensi's head back against his crotch, his thumb rubbing roughly over her lips. "Your boyfriend might like to watch."

"The sooner we get 'em up here, the sooner I get to pay this bitch back for kickin' me," Eddy said, glaring at Kensi as the two men headed out the back.

Kensi closed her eyes, blinking back tremulous tears, shivering and breathing rapidly as her heart pounded loudly in her ears. Cisco whined and she opened her eyes, calming slightly as the dog leaned against her leg, watching her and panting nervously. Ernesto called him and the dog looked briefly at her before returning to sit at the man's feet.

"Do you know what book I'm reading?" Ernesto asked, catching her off guard and she shook her head no, confused by the odd question.

"It's the Bible," he said, drawing the word out as he fondled the dog's ears. "The Book of Revelation. Lots of angels in this book. Scary ones. Mean, angry ones. Funny how people picture angels today. Little naked baby boys with little pink wings and hair like your boyfriend's or beautiful women with long flowing hair like you, wearing long white gowns and sporting blue and white wings and little halos. Funny, caused they're not like that at all. The one I saw was a big black guy, covered in wild tattoos and holding the biggest Bible I've ever seen. He was sitting next to my bed in the prison infirmary after I was shanked in the yard. Talked a blue streak, that angel. Couldn't shut him up."

Kensi became very quiet as the man rambled on, afraid that his time in prison had sent him over the edge into insanity. He was slowly pacing the room now, talking about prayer meetings and salvation and reading "The Word" as he called it and how this black angel had changed his life, while she listened for sounds of the Freitas brothers.

"I met Cisco here in prison," he said as the dog sat down by his feet, looking up at him as he spoke. "They brought dogs like him into the prison so we could help each other. He was abused and him and me hit it off right away. I didn't want to be released. Didn't want to come home. Be back under Vera's thumb. She's full of the devil that woman."

He put his Bible down on the table and opened a drawer, pulling out a large knife, looking down thoughtfully at it and then at her. She tensed, uncertain whether he was going to cut her free and unsure how to protect herself if he attacked.

"We understand, don't we Cisco?" He said to the dog. "God said 'what you do unto the least of these you do unto me,' didn't he boy? We gotta follow 'The Word', Cisco. That's what the black angel said, so we gotta do it no matter what it costs us."

He walked toward her, his eyes distant and slightly unfocused and she tensed, ready to fight back if she had to, but he simply cut her free.

"Thank you," she said gratefully as she stood up.

"Thank God and the black angel," he said.

Loud cursing from the back of the house silenced them, and Kensi turned to see Soldier shoved into the room, Deeks' pale red plaid shirt hanging off his shoulders down to his knees. Eddy shoved him past the fireplace, cussing at him and slapping the back of his head. Then she saw Deeks. One eye was swollen, his cut lip and his nose were bleeding, and his jaw clinched tight with raw anger when Vic pushed him into the room.

"You're lucky we didn't keep you down there all night," Vic said. "Vera's pissed as hell at you. What'd you do, asshole?"

Deeks didn't answer, just smiled briefly when he saw Kensi. As he started toward her, Vic slammed his boot heel into the back of his leg and he went down. Kensi charged the guy, slugging him in the face before grabbing the back of his head, pulling it down sharply as her knee came up and smashed into his face, blood splattering across the tile floor. Eddy grabbed her from behind, spinning her around and hitting her solidly across the jaw, knocking her out and down onto the couch causing Cisco to begin barking. Deeks barreled into Eddy, his shoulder catching him in the ribs and taking him to the floor, pummeling his face in a rage.

"You sonofabitch," Vic screamed as he wrapped his arm around Deeks' throat from behind, yanking him off his brother and choking him as blood streamed from his nose.

Soldier tried to help him, but Vic backhanded him into the wall, enraging Deeks, who managed to free himself and twist the man's arm up behind his back. Gaining control, he rammed his head into the side of the beehive fireplace, and he collapsed in a heap. Deeks turned quickly to see if Kensi was okay, but saw that Eddy was back on his feet, smiling maniacally and waving a huge knife back and forth in front of him as he advanced.

"You're gonna lose this fight, asshole," he growled, spitting out dark blood.

"You're wrong Eddy," Ernesto said calmly, cocking the old Colt pistol and placing it at the back of Eddy's head. "Now God told me to let these folks go. That's what I'm gonna do, Eddy. Don't be stupid now and make me shoot you."

"I'm your fuckin' nephew, you freak," Eddy yelled. "Vera's gonna kill you when she gets back."

"Won't be the first time she tried," Ernesto said.

Deeks took a deep breath and moved toward Kensi as she came to on the couch, her eyes flashing open just as he reached her.

"Kens? You okay?" Deeks asked, gently touching her bruised cheek as she sat up, quickly taking in the current situation.

"I'm good," she said. "Can we go, Ernesto?"

"It's what God and the black angel wants," he said as he pulled Eddy away from them, the barrel of the pistol still pressed against the base of his nephew's skull.

"I'm taking Soldier with us," Deeks said, motioning to the boy who still sat where he had landed.

"Vera will kill you if you take him," Eddy snarled. "If I don't get to you first."

Cisco started growling and Ernesto raised the pistol and brought it down viciously on the top of Eddy's head, creasing his skull and sending him unconscious to the floor.

"Come on, Cisco. Time for us to move on," he said as he walked toward the front door. "Too noisy here. Too much violence. You don't like Vera anyway, do ya boy?"

Kensi picked up the Bible he'd been reading and went to him, handing him the book and kissing him lightly on the cheek. He smiled absently at her and continued to talk to Cisco and then took a heavy coat from the pegs by the entrance and went out the front door, leaving it open to the freezing breeze coming down from the mountains. They could hear him talking to his dog as he walked away, listening silently until the wind took his words.

"I can't go," Soldier said. "I can't leave my mama."

"Soldier?"

Elan stood in the doorway, a gun held next to his leg, his eyes wide as he took in the two crumpled forms on the floor. He looked from his son to Deeks and Kensi, and then back at his son. He slowly wiped his forehead with the back of a shaky hand and then secured his weapon behind his back and walked over to face Soldier. He reached for him, squeezing his shoulder and then pulling him close, hugging him, sighing as the boy stood stiffly in his embrace before slowly giving in, closing his eyes as he leaned into his father.

...

...


	8. Chapter 8

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 8_

...

Lily stepped into the room, taking in the signs of the recent fight. Toppled stacks of magazines littered the floor around one downed man and an overturned lamp had knocked several old photos off the wall, the broken glass catching the light as it lay scattered across the flagstone. Deeks had his arms around Kensi, talking quietly to her, both looking tired and disheveled, their faces bruised and bloodied. When Lily looked over at Elan, she secured her weapon and smiled. His face was filled with deep emotion as he held his son close, neither one of them exactly sure what to do except stay in physical contact with each other.

"We must go, mes amis," she said, quickly taking charge. "Detective Campos is outside. He said he would secure the scene, but expects statements in the morning."

"You called the cops?" Deeks asked.

"Damn right," Elan said. "You didn't come back or call. We knew something was wrong."

"Calling Campos was my idea, mon amie," Lily said. "We had no idea what we would be up against. We couldn't take the chance and Elan needs to keep this within the law."

"Will he let us take Soldier?" Deeks asked.

"I don't see any reason why not, seeing as he'll be with his father," Campos said as he walked in and stood staring into the living room. "Sonofabitch. You guys really did a number on the Freitas boys. I think you just made my day."

Soldier moved hesitantly away from Elan, eyeing the detective suspiciously. He pulled Deeks' shirt tighter and then looked around the room, shivering slightly as he took in the chaos.

"Am I going to jail?" He asked, his eyes downcast.

"No, kid. You're gonna go with these folks if that's okay with you," Detective Campos said quietly. "Or I can call Family Services. One thing's for sure, you're not staying here."

"What about my mama?" He asked, growing slightly bolder.

"I'll contact her first thing in the morning," he said. "Let her know you're with your father."

"She won't like it," he said sullenly. "Neither will Vera."

"Soldier, if you want to go home to Bella, just say so," Elan said, a hint of sadness there that Lily noticed.

Soldier seemed lost. He looked longingly at Elan, but took a step back as the detective moved into the room, his uncertainly and learned distrust of the law apparent in his skittish movements and surly attitude. Deeks glanced at Elan and then went to the boy, touching him lightly on the shoulder as he knelt in front of him.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving," he said gently, "I know you didn't have dinner, so how about we get out of here and go find some hot food? Pancakes or burgers maybe?"

The boy focused on Deeks and a slight smile flitted across his face and he nodded.

"Can I get my shoes and shirt, first?" He asked.

"Sure, buddy," Deeks said as he stood and motioned for Elan to follow.

"There's an all night diner on the highway outside Española," Campos told the two women. "You should get movin' before Vera gets back. I'll wait for her, but I need to know where you're staying and a little info on what happened here tonight."

Kensi quickly filled him in, telling him about their undercover aliases as Deeks came back in the room.

"I think we're done with Jimmy and Annie," he said as he joined them. "I'll tell Soldier who we are when the times right. Not sure how he's gonna take it. He's doesn't seem to have a very high opinion of cops."

"You want Vera to know she held two Federal agents against their will?" Campos asked with a slow smile. "This is gonna be fun. Want me to charge her? Could keep her and her boys out of your hair for a while. At least until her lawyer bails 'em out."

"Do it," Deeks said, anger flashing across his face.

"I didn't think this day could get any better," Campos grinned. "Wrong again. I'm really startin' to like you guys."

...

The drive down from Truchas didn't take long and they easily found the diner. Elan had a soft smile on his face as he guided his son to a booth in the corner, the boy yawning widely, causing Deeks to laugh as he tried unsuccessfully to stifle his own. The waitress came over to hand out menus, and bringing a much needed pot of coffee with her.

"What happened to you, darlin'?" She asked Deeks, noticing the bruises and crusted blood on his face.

"Long day. Long story," he answered.

She didn't press for details, just poured the coffee with a tired smile and left, letting them turn their attention to the boy. It was hard for all of them to keep their eyes off Soldier as he studied the menu. A small crease of worry on the boy's forehead made Deeks shoot a questioning look at Elan.

"See anything you like in there?" Elan asked.

"I'm not hungry," the boy shook his head and closed the menu, turning to stare out the window into the dimly lit parking lot.

"You sure?" Deeks asked. "Cause those pancakes look pretty tempting. They even put whip cream on top. Tough to pass up."

"Well, I'm having those pancakes," Kensi said emphatically. "And you're buying, Deeks. For everybody."

"Why's that?"

"You won money on Soldier's first race today," she replied. "Don't you think you should buy dinner for the winning jockey?"

"She's right, mon amie," Lily said lightly.

"What do you say, Soldier?" Elan asked. "He owes you a dinner, don't you think?"

The boy bit his lip, trying hard to keep his smile from spreading as he opened the menu again, studying each section, occasionally looking up at Deeks with a calculating look in his eye.

"How much did you win?" He finally asked Deeks.

"Enough to buy you anything you want, buddy," Deeks laughed. "You earned it."

While Deeks headed to the men's room to wash the blood off his face, Soldier tried to decide what to order, taking suggestions from Kensi with a shy smile, who happily pointed out the sweetest items. By the time Deeks returned, everyone was smiling, and he gently squeezed Elan's shoulder before sliding back into the booth. When the food came, Soldier wasted no time in devouring a tall stack of pancakes topped with swirls of whipped cream and drenched in syrup, a plate of bacon with a couple of eggs, sunny side up and a huge chocolate milkshake. He had also ordered a slice of apple pie, but by the time he finished his meal, his eyes were heavy with exhaustion and Elan got it to go.

When Deeks got in the car to follow Elan into Santa Fe, he turned to Kensi, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.

"What?" She asked.

"He wouldn't have eaten anything if you hadn't suggested I owed him dinner," he said, his anger so deep and obvious she reached over and gripped his arm, feeling his muscles rippling beneath her hand. "He thought he would have to pay and he couldn't. I should have known that, but you understood."

"Deeks..." She tried to slow his growing anger, but it was rampant.

"He has pride, Kens, but he's also ashamed of who he is and he shouldn't be," his voice strained and shaky. "I know how that feels. And I know how long it took me to get past that feeling. She put him in that fuckin' hole without food or water, without a shirt or even shoes, and he accepts that, Kens. It's what he's used to, and I can't stand that. He's a little boy, dammit. I'm not sure what I would have done if she'd been there tonight. When I was down there with him in the dark, I wanted to beat the living shit out of her and that scares me. It means I'm no different than my father."

"But you are different," she whispered. "You know that. I know that."

"I hope you're right," he said, the doubt clinging to the words. "We need to get Soldier away from these people, away from her, because she'll use him up and then spit him out. She'll destroy whatever self worth he still has."

"Deeks," she said gently. "He has Elan in his life now, and he'll have Jim Littleshield and George to help him. Don't forget how strong the men in that family are. They supported you, fought for you and pulled you out of that hole full of guilt you were in when I thought no one could. Those men know how to love someone who needs it. All we have to do is help him get there."

"Yeah," he said as he put his forehead on the backs of his hands as he clung to the steering wheel. "Thanks, Kens. You're right. We just need to get him home with Elan."

She gently ruffled his hair as he pulled out of the lot, the tension in his shoulders still there, but easing slightly as he drove.

"Kens?"

"Yeah?"

"What did they do to you before they brought me back to the house?"

"Deeks, I'm fine," she said earnestly. "You know I can take care of myself."

"Kensi."

"They tied me to a chair and her sons got a little handsy," she said lightly. "But I kicked Eddy in the knee and ankle pretty hard. Had him jumping around on one leg. Ernesto got them to leave and then cut me loose."

"They're all bastards."

"Pretty much, but we handled them."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that..."

"Don't you dare say I shouldn't have come," she interrupted sharply.

"I was going to say I was glad you had my back tonight," he said with a soft smile. "I love to watch you smash bad guys in the face. You're unbeatable."

"His brother knocked me out, Deeks," she grumbled.

"Yeah, they did a number on me too," Deeks said. "I can barely see out of my left eye."

"Poor baby. I'll kiss and make it better when we get to our room," she purred, running her hand up into his hair.

"Deal, princess," he said, flashing a cocky grin. "I owe Ernesto, too,"

"You want me to call him so he can come over and kiss your boo boo's too?" She asked with a widening smile.

"Not on my bucket list," he said with a quick shake of his head and a dramatic shiver.

"I think he might be just a little crazy," she said soberly. "But he cut me loose and I'm grateful for that."

"Yeah, me too," Deeks said.

...

Elan had woken up every hour during the short night to check on Soldier. With the first hint of light, he had risen and now sat on the chair beside the window seat where the boy still slept, his head tucked under the blanket and his body curled into a protective ball. Elan reached out and fingered his long sleek hair, the only part of his son visible, marveling that this young boy had come from him. He recalled his own first night in a new place after Uncle Jim had found him by a stream in the Owl Creek Mountains, a beaten and frightened runaway from his father. He hadn't been used to a full stomach or the comforts of a soft bed, and he'd been distrustful of the man's kindness, sure that he would want something in return he might not be able to give. It had taken him days to simply relax and weeks to appreciate the gentle nature of his uncle, to realize he wouldn't be punished for taking an apple just for himself, or be hit for voicing his own opinion or sent back if he screwed up. He'd hardly spoken at all during the entire first month he'd been there, opening up only when Jim took him out to work the horses. Eventually, that had cemented their bond. Now he wondered what would cement the bond between him and his son.

Not wanting to wake the boy, he rose and left the room, walking to the end of the hallway to stare out the small paned window at the cottonwoods lining the creek that passed through town. He pulled his phone from the pocket of his jeans, smiling slightly as he called the ranch, hoping it would be his uncle who answered.

"Yep?" The telltale voice soft and questioning, the simple word filling him with a longing for home.

"He's with me Uncle Jim," he said, his voice breaking, the sudden emotion surprising him. "She named him Soldier."

He could hear his uncle breathing, but he spoke no words and Elan said nothing else, the connection with family the only thing he needed. He could hear George in the background asking who it was, and then the phone being passed.

"Elan? Is everyone okay?" George's firm voice an anchor as the wave of emotion moved through him.

"Marty and Kensi got a little roughed up, but we're good," he said.

"How's your boy?"

For a moment, Elan had no idea how to describe his own son, and George simply waited as he gathered his thoughts. The images that flashed through his mind tumbled over each other, mixing with those of Bella and the black stallion that had almost ended his son's life before he ever got to know him.

"You should see him ride," was all that he could think to say. "He's a natural on a horse."

"It's in his blood," George said quietly. "Can you bring him home?"

"Bella's tied up with a pretty rank family," he answered. "She's living with Billy Freitas and his people are into illegal horse racing, drugs and who knows what. They use Soldier as their jockey."

"Are they the ones who roughed up Marty?" George asked, his voice thick with anger.

"He's fine George, and the bad guys are in jail with headaches and some bruises of their own," Elan told him. "I couldn't have done this without him."

"He wouldn't have let you," George said.

"They put him in a dark hole where they were keeping Soldier," he said. "Marty said it's a common punishment if he doesn't win a race. Billy beats Bella, so I'm pretty sure he beats on Soldier too."

"Some people have no right to children," George said softly. "Now, talk to Jim. I think he's finally found his voice."

Elan spent the next few minutes recounting the first time he had seen Soldier, and the pride he felt when the boy won his first race. He paused for a few seconds before telling them angrily of his fear when he saw the boy on the hopped up stallion. His uncle rarely swore, but he heard him use some serious language as he shared what had happened with George. The two men totally ignored him as they discussed the situation, until Elan finally spoke loudly into the phone, trying to remind them he was still on the line.

"You get that boy back here, Elan," his uncle said in a voice he had only heard a few times in his life. "Do whatever it takes. He's family and he needs to be here with us. You tell Bella I said that."

After saying his goodbyes, Elan headed downstairs, needing a strong cup of coffee to steady himself. He saw his cousin's familiar head of messy blond hair at the bar holding a mug in his hands, the steam rising into his bruised face.

"See you couldn't sleep either," he said, slipping onto the stool next to him. "How's the eye?"

Deeks turned to fully face him, revealing his vivid black eye and a soft smile. A sudden flare of anger filled Elan and he gripped his cousin's shoulder, unable to express how much he appreciated what he had done for him.

"Those bastards," Elan said. "Which one gave you the shiner?"

"My new favorite, Victor," Deeks said, his smile slowly fading. "Eddy yanked Soldier out of that room by his hair, so I hit him and Vic jumped me. Between the two of them, I am now the proud owner of multiple bruises, this very attractive black eye and a couple of sore ribs."

"You scared the shit out of me when I didn't hear from you," Elan said as the waiter put a mug of coffee down in front of him.

"Didn't mean to, brother," Deeks said quietly.

"You okay?"

"Sore," he said. "So's Kensi, but we'll live."

"I talked to Uncle Jim and George," Elan said. "Those are two pissed off old men."

"Not surprised," Deeks smiled. "How's Soldier?"

"You should have seen the look on his face when we got to the room last night," Elan laughed. "His eyes got huge and he was afraid to touch anything until Lily showed him the bathroom. He stayed in the shower until he was almost asleep on his feet. I think he took nearly as long toweling himself off."

"What's up?" Deeks asked when he saw a sad shadow cross his features.

"I saw him take a couple of those little soaps and hide them under his sweatshirt," Elan said. "Marty, he doesn't believe he's going to stay with me."

"Maybe he's just a hoarder," Deeks said lightly, trying to reassure him.

"What if he doesn't want to be with me?" Elan said.

"You're getting ahead of yourself again," Deeks said. "He doesn't know you yet. Spend the day with him. Get to know him a little. Let him see what kind of man you are. He needs you, Elan. He's a lonely little boy in a desperate situation. We both know what that feels like. The only person keeping him here is Bella. She's the one you have to talk to. You have to convince her to get him away from these people. She's the one person he cares about in this whole world and I do know what that's like. He won't go without her."

"What if she won't leave?"

"Then we fight for custody," Deeks said softly. "But I need to warn you. If you try and take him from his mother, he could end up hating you. No matter how miserable he is here, she's been the one constant in his life; the one person in his life who loves him and that is a powerful hold on a kid. I know."

"But she let's those people hurt him," Elan replied.

"My mom couldn't stop my father from beating the crap out of me either. Most of the time she didn't try," Deeks said with a hollow voice. "But, as much as I blamed her for that, I still loved her because in spite of everything, I knew she loved me in her own piss poor way. She was the only one who did. She was all I had and Bella is all Soldier has and you need to respect his feelings for her or you'll lose him."

"I'll go talk to Bella," Elan said.

"Not today, and not alone," Deeks said. "You and Lily spend the day with him. Kensi and I have to go over to Española and give Campos our statements. We'll find out how long they can hold Vera and the lovely Freitas boys, and then we can meet for lunch and discuss our next step."

"I can see you as a lawyer, Cuz," Elan laughed, breaking through the tension of their conversation.

"As good as I was, I hated it," he said. "It was the most frustrating job I've ever had. All I got to see was the fallout from bad decisions and to watch hardheaded people go at each other in a court of law. No one gave ground until it was too late to salvage anything. I watched families fight each other and get destroyed. There were no winners. I don't want that for you, and especially not for Soldier. You both deserve better. That boy deserves a decent father like you. He needs to know what it feels like to be protected and cared for and loved, to wake up every morning without fear, to be happy like a little boy should be."

Deeks turned away and got up, walking over to the windows, his display of emotion touching Elan. He let him be for a few minutes, but then followed him, putting a strong, firm hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him and tear his mind away from the stark memories of his own bleak childhood.

"Thanks, Cuz," he finally said, gently squeezing his shoulder.

"What for?"

"For fighting for my son."

"He's family."

...

...


	9. Chapter 9

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 9_

...

The two men turned away from the windows in unison when Lily called Elan's name. Her usual unflappable demeanor had been displaced by obvious distress, her hair uncombed and her shirt misbuttoned. Elan found that the words rushing into his mind, tangled on his tongue and refused to come out and he experienced the same flush of fear he saw on Lily's face. He felt the iron grip of Deeks' hand on his arm, almost a warning or an attempt to hold back any explosion of emotions that might follow, reminding him to be calm, but his rejection was immediate, ripping free as he started for her. Deeks was only steps behind, his silence adding to the sense of dread that closed in around him.

"He's gone, Elan," she whispered, her eyelashes blinking on the tears that pooled in her eyes. "I woke up and he was gone. Forgive me, mon chou, please forgive me."

Elan wrapped his arms around her and whispered to her in Arapaho to stop her pleading, his eyes locked in icy solidarity with his cousin.

"Lily, go get Kensi," Deeks said sharply. "Elan and I will head for the plaza. You and Kensi search across the creek toward Canyon Road. Get it together and move."

His commanding voice cut through her self-flagellation and she stepped back from Elan and nodded, brushing a hand across his cheek before backing up and then running for the stairs.

"Let's go," Deeks said. "He couldn't have been gone long."

Elan seemed rooted where he stood, his eyes downcast and unfocused, his shoulders slumped and his big hands limply hanging by his side. The resolve that had been there seconds ago now replaced by mind numbing doubt.

"I thought you wanted to fight for your son," Deeks said. "You knew this wouldn't be easy."

Elan lifted dark eyes full of turmoil and rising anger as he faced the man he valued as a brother.

"Quit feeling sorry for yourself and let's go find him," Deeks said.

"What if he doesn't want to be found?" Defeat shading his words.

"He's scared, Elan," he answered kindly, his voice softening as he place a hand on his shoulder. "He's a confused kid. He was exhausted after yesterday. He woke up and panicked. Now, do you want him out there alone or do you want to go find him and buy him some more pancakes?"

Elan nodded at the reference, a fleeting smile breaking through the tension in his jaw, and he pushed past Deeks and headed purposefully toward the door. The two men hurried out into the thin light of early morning, the gathering clouds mirroring their unrest and their feeling of urgency, their eyes scanning the streets and doorways as they trotted toward the plaza. After going a block, they split up, with Deeks ducking into La Fonda to do a quick sweep through the lobby, while Elan jogged down toward Pasqual's. He checked each alley and behind dumpsters and between cars, calling his son's name softly, silently pleading with the old Arapaho spirits his uncle had told him about, deities he didn't even believe in, desperate for anything that would help him cope with the growing disquiet Soldier's disappearance was causing. When he rounded the corner by the plaza he saw Deeks darting across the street heading for the Palace of the Governors, and he followed, trying to catch his eye. Deeks turned at his call and saw him, and quickly pointed toward the artisans setting out their wares on the sidewalk and Elan's sharp eyes caught sight of his young son as he leaned into the open window of a blue tricked out pickup truck parked along the side street. His heart raced as he sprinted past Deeks, a fierce love empowering him. Soldier suddenly turned and saw him and a look of disbelief and then caution flashed across his face and he stepped back from the truck. Elan slowed to a trot and then to a walk as he neared him, watching him carefully, seeing his uncertainty as he looked around for an escape.

"Don't run away from me, son," he called out softly, pausing a few feet from him. "Please."

The boy looked over at the man in the pickup who jumped out and was coming around to confront Elan and Deeks. He looked to be from one of the local pueblos and was wide bodied and strong looking, and there was a cold air of danger about him that Deeks must have seen, causing him to step between the man and Elan.

"Who the hell are you?" The Indian asked roughly.

Elan didn't even look at him, keeping his eyes on Soldier as the boy turned and began walking up the street. As he started to follow, the Indian tried to stop him, but Deeks intervened, roughly shoving the man away and warning him.

"Don't, man. He's the boy's father," Deeks said firmly as he blocked him.

"No shit? Bella's been looking for the kid," the man said. "So is Billy, and he ain't in a good mood, not that he ever is."

"Stay out of it," Deeks warned and the man nodded warily and they both looked to see Elan trailing the boy.

As they walked, Elan felt his heart go out to his son, remembering his own distress and confusion when he'd run away. Things might have been different if his mother had been alive and he began to understand what Deeks had been talking about as he followed him. Soldier loved Bella, and he was forcing him to choose between his mother and a father he'd never known. The dread that thought produced brought on a wave of sadness, and he realized how tough his own choices were becoming.

"I have to go back," Soldier said as he stopped mid-block, his back still to his father. "I can't leave her alone with Billy."

Elan stepped up next to him, guiding him over to a low wall and sitting down to face him.

"You're a brave son," he said. "Bella should be proud of you. I know I am."

"You are?" The worried crease in his forehead returned as he stared down at the ground. "You're not mad that I ran away?"

"Not mad, just worried and disappointed," Elan said.

"Why?"

"I've been searching for you almost since you were born," he answered. "Now that I've found you, I don't want to lose you. I want to be in your life, Soldier. I want to know everything about you. I want to ride horses with you, teach you how to gentle them and how to breed them. But, most of all, I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy and I want you to meet your real family, and I want to be the father you deserve."

Soldier stared at him open mouthed as he shared his desires, his face softening as he listened, even though Elan could see a hint of doubt behind his eyes.

"What about Mama?"

"I want both of you to come home to Wyoming with me," he said. "That's her home, too."

"Vera and Billy won't let us go," he said, sadly shaking his head.

"It's not their decision to make," Elan told him. "If you both want to come with me then we'll go. They don't have any say in that."

The boy looked at him then, his face curious and open. Nodding almost to himself, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the two small soaps he had taken from the room, holding them out to Elan.

"I'm sorry I stole them," he said quietly.

Elan's explosive laugh startled the kid and he looked even more surprised by the engulfing hug that drew him into his father's chest. Elan felt the boy's arms slowly encircle his waist, their hold tentative. When he let him go, he saw bright tears in his eyes, which the boy quickly wiped away, sniffling as he stepped out of his father's embrace.

"You can keep the soap, Soldier," Elan said gently.

A soft smile lit up his face as he shoved the soaps back in his pocket. He hopped up on the low wall beside his father and they sat silently side by side, until Soldier broke the lull.

"Do you have horses of your own?" He asked, as he drummed his heels against the adobe wall.

"I ride Crow, my black gelding, and I have a Pinto mare named Dancer, who dropped a pretty little painted colt earlier this year we named Sarge. He's a keeper," he said. "My Uncle Jim and I are always buying and selling or trading horses, breeding the best to the best, so there are always lots of them around. At Cousin George's ranch right now, we have a small string he's training to be cutting horses."

"What's it like there?" He asked longingly.

"The ranch? It's peaceful. It's a little over 350 acres and has a pretty good-sized ranch house with a big fieldstone fireplace. The barn sits in a grove of cottonwoods and a nice little stream full of trout runs through the northwest corner. There are low hills in the eastern section and the rest is good pastureland. We see eagles and hawks, deer and antelope and a few elk occasionally and George keeps four dogs, Stinker, Toby, Joker and Boo."

"I always wanted a dog," the boy said wistfully. "Cisco's okay, but he sticks pretty close to Ernesto. Doesn't like to play or anything."

"You'd like it there, son," Elan ventured.

"Is that where you live?" The boy asked.

"I will be there for awhile," he answered. "My uncle is moving there permanently this summer and George has offered me a section of land across the creek to build a house of my own."

"You're lucky," Soldier said.

"Yeah, I know," he said softly. "I want you to come live with me there. We can train little Sarge together. He'll make a good fit for you when he's grown."

"He'd be mine?" The boy looked amazed as Elan nodded.

"Soldier," Bella yelled out as the screech of brakes interrupted them.

He jumped off the wall as she came up to him, worry creasing her face. Her trembling hands combed through his hair and then rested on his shoulders, an uncertain smile flickering as she pulled him close. She looked up at Elan who stood silently brooding, resignation mingling with sudden anger when he realized she was high. Billy swaggered over, his thumbs hooked in his belt and pure hatred in his eyes. Elan saw Deeks moving rapidly toward them out of the corner of his eye, and Kensi and Lily followed close behind.

"You sonofabitch," Billy growled as he shoved Elan. "You had my mother and brothers thrown in jail."

"That would be me," Deeks said as he walked up and grabbed a handful of Billy's shirt, pushing him forcefully away.

"You're a fuckin' Fed," Billy said tightly. "Your girlfriend too? Now who woulda thought that."

"You're a cop?" Soldier asked, his eyes suddenly filling with distrust as he accused Deeks.

The boy turned away from all of them and headed solemnly for the truck, refusing to even look at Elan. He stopped at the open door and turned back to Deeks.

"You lied," he said angrily, blinking back tears.

"The only thing I lied about was my name," Deeks said gently. "Everything I told you about your father is true."

"Don't believe this asshole, kid," Billy blustered. "This guy probably ain't even your dad."

"Yes he is," Bella said quietly, looking once again at Elan, a shaky hand moving over his arm. "I should never have left, Elan. I'm sorry."

Billy grabbed her roughly by the arm and shoved her toward the truck, but she stumbled and fell hard against the door, and he laughed. Soldier shouted and tried to push him away from her, and Billy slapped him hard across the mouth, cutting his lip. Elan was on him in a rush, spinning him around and slamming his back into the side of the truck, pressing into him, their faces just inches apart.

"You hit him again and I'll kill you," Elan said roughly. "Touch either one of them and I'll ride you down like the pathetic piece of shit you are."

Elan took a step back, his face dark with an almost uncontrollable rage and he became vaguely aware that Deeks was saying something to him, as was Lily, but he heard nothing but a roaring in his ears and he swallowed hard as they dragged him away from Billy. Soldier stepped in front of him, placing a hand on his chest, a look of awe on his face.

"You okay?" Elan asked, tilting the boy's head up so he could look at his bleeding lip.

"It's nothin'," he said. "Don't even hurt."

"I'm taking Soldier home, Elan," Bella's voice the first to cut through the fog he was in.

"No," Soldier said as he stared at Elan. "I want to stay here with him."

He turned toward his mother, who was holding onto Kensi as she gathered herself. Billy was backpedaling away from all of them, his face twisted into a dark scowl.

"Why don't you stay too, Bella?" Kensi said. "We can have breakfast and Elan and Soldier can get to know each other a little, and we can talk."

"She goes with me," Billy snapped. "You can keep that kid for now, but when Vera walks out of that jail, she's gonna come lookin' for him. She's gonna come lookin' for all of you and she ain't gonna be nice about it."

All three agents took a step toward him and he hurried around to the driver's side, putting the truck between them.

"Stay, Bella," Elan said quietly.

"I can't," she whispered, shaking her head as she got in the truck, a wounded look of defeat on her face as Billy pulled away from the curb, the tires squealing on the quiet street.

The stunned group stood silently until the truck turned the corner and disappeared. Kensi whispered something to Deeks, and he quickly handed her his handkerchief and she quietly began cleaning the blood off Soldier's face. He smiled at her and tried to brush her hand away, but she gave him a warning look that made Deeks laugh, so he waited patiently until she finished.

"Now we can go have breakfast," she said.

"Pasqual's?" Deeks asked.

Elan nodded and pulled Soldier close, his hand coming to rest firmly on the back of his son's neck as they walked silently back toward the plaza.

...

Detective Campos waved when he saw them walk into the squad room, but Deeks could tell by the look on his face that he was extremely pissed. The officer who had walked them back whispered a warning before making himself scarce along with a couple of the other detectives in the vicinity.

"You get busted down to traffic duty or something?" Deeks quipped. "That steam coming out of your ears is scaring the troops."

"Vera and her boys are out already," he snapped.

"How'd she get out so fast?" Kensi asked, her eyes flashing with annoyance. "We haven't even given you our statements yet."

"She's probably got something on the judge who released her," Campos spit out. "I know she does on her attorney. She's an expert at putting the fear of God into people."

"Not sure God has anything to do with it or with her," Deeks responded. "So, what now?"

"Her court date got pushed back until late May," the detective said. "Her son's are on the docket for the end of this month. I'm assuming you two will come back to testify."

"Be here with flying colors," Deeks promised.

The next half hour was spent giving written statements over bad coffee. Campos had lightened up a bit until they told him about their run in with Billy that morning.

"I know you guys can take care of yourselves, but be careful, okay?" Campos cautioned. "Like I said, I'm starting to like you guys, and this is as close as I've ever gotten to making a case against Vera Freitas."

"We will, man. We appreciate your concern," Deeks said. "This hasn't exactly turned into a vacation like we'd hoped."

"If you're heading back to Santa Fe, I can give you directions to Bandelier. It's about an hour away." Campos said. "It's the ancestral home of the Pueblo people. Run by the National Park Service now. The road passes through San Ildefonso Pueblo, where my mom grew up. There are a couple of beautiful walks in the canyon along Frijoles Creek. You'll see some cliff dwellings and petroglyphs and there are a couple of waterfalls. Might get a little rain, but that should keep some of the tourists away."

"Except for us," Kensi laughed.

"Sounds like a good place to unwind after this morning," Deeks said, taking Kensi's hand. "Thanks for the tip."

After getting directions, they said their goodbyes and headed for the parking lot, Deeks pulling Kensi close as they neared the car. She turned to face him and he frowned, brushing his thumb over the darkening bruise on her cheek. Then he dipped his head and laid a soft kiss over it, making her smile.

"What was that for?" She asked.

"For being beautiful even after getting beat up," he murmured before kissing her lightly and pressing against her.

"You're the one with the black eye," she said smiling.

"You promised to kiss it and make it better," he whispered as he kissed her gently and then nuzzled just below her ear, causing her to shiver.

"I already did that last night," she said as her hands came up under his shirt, wrapping her arms around him and tugging him even closer.

"I'm a slow healer, Nurse Blye," he said with a crooked grin. "I think I need a second treatment."

"I might consider it," she replied. "You are starting to look like a raccoon."

"Maybe we can find a secluded spot at this place we're going," he said as he opened the door for her.

"You read my mind," she said, giving him a quick kiss before dropping down into the seat.

"All the time, darlin'. All the time," he said, laughing softly.

He was smiling broadly as he started the car, finding it hard to keep his eyes off of her and looking forward to the upcoming diversion. They drove in silence for a while and he was thankful that the earlier tension that had developed between them had lightened, their differences having been relegated to the shadows after they had fought for each other at the Freitas house. He began to relax as he drove, the tightness in his muscles easing as Kensi began to rub her hand along his thigh, squeezing and massaging until he had trouble paying attention. He tried to distract her by pointing out the views as they skirted the mesa, the road climbing after they passed a small town, but she just laughed and leaned toward him, her hand moving up his arm and over his shoulder into the curls at the base of his neck. He turned to look at her, noting the longing in her eyes, and he reached for her.

The harsh blast of a horn directly in front of him startled them both, and Deeks yanked the wheel violently to the right to avoid a red pickup pulling out onto the highway. Their car bumped and skidded on the dusty unpaved road and Deeks started to apply the brakes until he saw a black Chevy truck roaring up behind him. When he saw the pickup he had just avoided make a quick turn to follow them, he slammed his foot down on the gas and tore up a brief rise, following the road as it curved around a rocky outcropping and dipped down into a small desolate valley dotted with scrubby pine trees. He glanced quickly at Kensi as she pulled a gun from the glove box, her jaw now flexing with anger as she rammed in a clip.

"Hold on, Kens," he managed to shout as the black Chevy pulled out from behind them and raced along side.

He caught a glimpse of the man in the passenger seat and cursed loudly as Eddy Freitas grinned back at him. He pulled the wheel sharply, slamming the car into the side of the black truck, making it careen off the dusty track, and he smiled as he saw them bouncing violently when their truck hit a series of small gullies and began to lose ground. He had no time to enjoy it as the red pickup rammed them from behind, the jarring hit causing the car to skid on the rough dirt road, kicking up grey dust that coated the windshield and making it hard for him to see. They were rammed again, pushing them into the rocky terrain on the side of the road and toward a scattering of pine trees. Deeks managed to avoid them and get the car under control, pulling back onto the rutted track that now skirted a low ridge of chalky rock. He gunned the engine and the car flew along the bumpy surface, jolting them and making it impossible for Kensi to take a shot. As he raced to escape, the black Chevy roared up on them at an angle and crashed into the driver's side, and Deeks' head slammed against the window.

He heard Kensi shout his name, but his vision was fading as he fought the wheel. He tried to pull away, but the car was skidding sideways now as the black truck forced them off the road and into a dry creek-bed. He managed to keep going, but the red pickup hit them again from behind and Kensi cried out as they crashed over sharp, rocky boulders and slammed violently into the trunk of a large pine tree, the car dying on impact. Deeks fought to stay conscious as he pushed the air bag away, struggling to see how Kensi was, calling out her name in the sudden silence.

...

...


	10. Chapter 10

**Crossroads**

_Chapter 10_

_..._

The sickening smell of blood and gasoline permeated his nose and mouth as he faded in and out of consciousness, struggling to pull free of hands that grabbed at him as he reached toward Kensi's still form. He wiped at the blood obscuring his vision, needing to see her clearly, needing to touch her, to feel the warmth of her skin to assure himself that she was alive. Her head hung limply against the shattered window, her hair matted with dark blood that sparkled with tiny shards of glass. The massive trunk of the pine tree had crushed the door against her body, invading her once safe space, causing her to curl around it. His right hand trembled as he finally grasped her wrist, choking out her name as his vision grayed, the air rushing out of his lungs when he felt her pulse fluttering against his fingertips. He whispered grateful thanks to unknown gods before rough, clawing hands dragged him from her and he cursed them, screaming at the sudden pain, angry at the hard, disparaging laughter.

He woke face down on the dusty ground of the dry creek bed, his eyes slowly focusing on the booted feet surrounding him. When he raised his head, they kicked, the men taunting him as he curled in on himself, trying to catch his breath, enduring the added pain. Warm blood dripped from the cuts on his face when he raised himself up on his elbows and knees, trying to crawl to where they had laid Kensi, but one of them place a boot against his side, shoving him over and onto his back, robbing him of his remaining energy. He let them believe he was unconscious as he assessed his injuries, knowing he had a concussion and several deep cuts from the torn metal and broken glass. He could feel the sticky blood that streaked down his left arm, saturating his sleeve and coating his hand, but he didn't think anything was broken. The pain in his side told him a couple of ribs were probably cracked and his knee was throbbing, sending brilliant pain down his left leg whenever he moved, but he would survive. He tried to remember what happened as he slowly caught his breath, but his memory was cloudy and disjointed, bits and pieces floating in fog. When the face of Eddy Freitas flashed in his mind, a sudden rush of rage made him open his eyes, afraid of what they might do to Kensi.

"Hello, asshole. Remember us?" Vic Freitas said, nudging his damaged ribs as he leaned over him.

"Your girlfriend don't look so hot anymore," Eddie said with what sounded like pride, making Deeks roll over and start to crawl toward her once again.

"Guess federal agents ain't all that tough, Eddie," Vic crowed as he walked alongside Deeks as he dragged himself to Kensi's side.

She was lying on her back, her arms over her head, her shirt ripped and bloody and he moaned with deep anguish as he pulled her into his arms, cradling her head and gently wiping at the blood on her lips. Ignoring the filthy comments of the men around them, he whispered her name and urged her to wake up, to tell him she was fine like she always did. Her silence was all too familiar and he pulled her closer as old memories flickered through his mind and a deep chill settled inside. Vic knelt on the other side of her, snickering as he stared at them and Deeks longed for his gun, wanting to shoot all of them for what they had done to her.

"Eddie wanted to kill you both outright," Vic said. "But, Vera's got other plans, especially for you. She is really fuckin' mad at you, man. She don't like being made a fool of and shit did you fool her. You shoulda heard her when that detective told her you and your lady were Feds. She ain't gonna let you die easy, asshole."

"We get Soldier back and you and that big Indian are dead," Eddie boasted. "They ain't never gonna find your bodies."

"Deeks?" Kensi's weak voice pulled him back from the dark rage he was feeling.

"I got you," he said, tears blurring his vision as he stroked her cheek.

"Well, ain't that sweet," Eddie mocked. "I'm real sorry to have to break up this little reunion, but your ride's here.

Deeks turned his head as a big white pickup towing a doublewide horse trailer swung around and parked. Billy Freitas came around and let down the ramp, shooting a dark glance at him as he picked up a coil of rope from the dirty floor. When he reached Kensi he grabbed her arm, and Deeks knocked his hand away.

"Don't touch her," he gritted out.

The back of Eddie's fist caught him on the side of the head, knocking him into the dirt. Kensi groaned as she hit the ground and he struggled to his knees, charging Billy, his shoulder hitting him at the knees and he smiled at his cry of surprise as he slammed him into the ground. He managed to get in a couple of punches before Eddie and Vic pulled him off, dragging him kicking and screaming curses at them as Billy wiped his face and got up off the ground.

"Vera wants him alive, Billy," Vic reminded him.

"Didn't say I couldn't beat the shit out of him, did she?" He said as he spit out a glob of blood.

The man stood looking down on him as his brothers forced him to his knees, the first punch hitting him above the eye and his head exploded in pain. The second punch knocked him out. Vic and Eddie dragged him into the horse trailer and tied his hands over his head to the metal bars of the middle divider. He came to when he heard them laughing as they tied up Kensi on the other side and he called to her as the door slammed shut, leaving them alone, the pungent smell of horse manure the last thing he remembered.

...

Elan couldn't seem to stop touching the boy as they wandered the streets and Lily laughed lightly, catching his eye as Soldier stopped to stare at a large ice cream cone a kid was licking. He looked shyly up at his father and Elan took the hint, steering him inside to the glass case full of Haagen Daz ice cream flavors.

"What's your favorite, mon petit?" Lily asked as the boy moved slowly along the case, studying the flavors with complete concentration.

"Don't know," he said, sounding embarrassed. "Never seen this kind before."

"Too bad Kensi isn't here," Elan said. "She's an expert when it comes to anything sweet."

"I'm surprised they aren't back yet," Lily said as she ordered a single scoop of strawberry.

"Maybe we missed them," he answered. "Marty said they'd meet us for lunch back at the hotel if they got hung up."

Elan felt Soldier tap his arm and he looked down into the confused face of his son and smiled at the feeling that simple gesture evoked.

"What's a pineapple?" He asked. "And a coconut?"

Elan looked bewildered, unsure how to describe either one to make them sound edible. Luckily, Lily came to the rescue, each description ending with the word "sweet".

"Weird names," he said, shaking his head.

Elan asked for a sample, and the boy's face erupted with surprise as he tasted the exotic sounding ice cream.

"Can I get two kinds?" He asked softly.

"It's almost lunch time, mon petit," Lily said, instantly regretting it when she saw the disappointment on his face.

"Well, if I can have two scoops, so can you, son," Elan quickly said, getting the smile he never tired of.

The combination of pineapple coconut and chocolate peanut butter made both adults shudder, but Soldier gave them his biggest smile of the day as he carried the concoction out the door. They sat on the benches in the plaza, silently eating ice cream and watching the blossoming clouds as they slowly covered the blue of the sky. Elan finished first and laughed at his son's messy face, pulling his phone and calling Deeks.

"Went to voicemail," he told Lily.

"Maybe they're still talking to Detective Campos," she reasoned, but noted Elan's concern. "Why don't you call him?"

She watched as he talked to the detective, visibly calming as his jaw relaxed. Soldier seemed to pick up the subtle signals from his father, watching him intently as he talked on the phone. Elan caught him and reached out to cup the back of his head, ruffling his hair and making the boy smile. Soldier never flinched when he touched him and he had told Lily how much that meant to him, considering what he had lived with in his life.

"They took a side trip to a place called Bandelier," he said as he ended the call. "A National Park of some kind."

"It might be a good place for them to talk out their differences," Lily replied.

"What's his name?" Soldier asked, as he worked on his ice cream cone. "He never told me his real one."

"Marty Deeks," Elan breathed out.

"And Kensi Blye is his partner," Lily said.

"They're nice," he said. "For cops."

"He's my cousin, Soldier," Elan said strongly and the boy noticed the change in his tone. "And among the Arapaho that is the same as a brother."

"He don't look like us," Soldier said.

"He earned his brotherhood, son," Elan said firmly. "And you need to respect that."

Soldier stared at him, the crease between his eyes showing something was bothering him. He finally looked away when some of the ice cream melted down onto his hand and he quickly finished it off, licking his fingers clean.

"He told me stories about you, and he gave me his shirt when we were in the shithole. I liked him," the boy finally said quietly. "Vera was mad at him even before she found out he was a cop, else she wouldn't of put him down there."

Elan could tell he was struggling with something, starting to worry himself as the boy shredded his napkin, watching solemnly as the wind took the pieces and scattered them across the grass. He would occasionally look over at them both until he finally stood up and walked a little way down the path. Elan let him go, but he took Lily's hand as the boy worked on whatever was bothering him. She nodded at him and he stood and went to stand behind his son, gently resting his hands on the young boy's shoulders.

"What's wrong, kid?" He asked.

"She's mean, and she's mad," he said quietly. "And she hates cops. She'll kill him. Her too."

The boy's sober assessment shook Elan and he struggled with how to respond. He had wanted Deeks with him when he found his son, but had never imagined that it would put him in danger.

"Marty can take care of himself, son," he finally said, wanting to assure the boy. "So can Kensi. If I find out they're in trouble, Lily and I will find them and help them."

"No. Don't so that," Soldier raised his voice and turned to face him, his anguish clear. "Don't help them. She hurts people. She'll hurt you. Please. Stay away from her."

By the time he finished pleading, he was desperate, his small fists clinched in Elan's shirt, begging with his eyes.

"Son, they're family," Elan said softly as he knelt in front of the frantic boy. "If they get in trouble, I have to help them. Don't you understand that?"

Soldier hung his head and then pushed away from his father, stepping back when Elan reached for him. His face was closed off and angry, resignation in his dark eyes as he stared coldly at him.

"I'm going home," he said.

"Don't go, son," Elan pleaded softly. "There are so many things we can do together today, more things I want to tell you about the ranch and your real family."

The boy snorted out a short laugh and shook his head.

"This ain't real," he said. "Neither is that ranch. No place I'm ever gonna see."

"That's not true, Soldier," Elan said, reaching for him once again as Lily came to stand beside him. "I promised to take you there and I will."

"No you won't," he said sadly. "Vera won't let you. You'll see. She'll find your brother and she'll kill him and then you'll hate me."

In two strides Elan was next to him, pulling him close, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and holding him.

"I can never hate you, Soldier," he said. "You're my flesh and blood, a part of me and I won't let anyone come between us or harm you."

The boy let him hug him, but then pushed away and stood silent and solemn, staring past him with unseeing eyes. Elan saw deep sadness on his face, and a longing that was warring with the reality of his short life and it moved him. He understood the turmoil he was feeling, understood the resignation and the belief that he was trapped, that there was no way out for him. The time they'd spent together was all a dream to the boy. Eating ice cream and laughing over pancakes was too good to last. He had felt the same way when he went to live with his uncle. He'd kept waiting for the man to tell him he'd made a mistake, that he was sending him back to the hell that living with his father had become. That was now his son's fear, too and he didn't know how to convince him otherwise.

"Stay for lunch, mon petit," Lily said calmly. "Nothing has happened. We are all safe, so come and eat with us. It would please your father very much."

The boy looked at her then, and nodded. He was reserved as they walked back to the hotel, looking into the shop windows, pausing once when he saw a bronze sculpture of a horse, a soft, knowing smile showing briefly on his face. When they reached the hotel, Elan checked with the front desk to see if Deeks and Kensi had returned, catching Soldier watching him and shaking his confidence. He called again before they were seated for lunch, a touch of worry in his eyes as he exchanged a concerned look with Lily. Soldier once again studied the menu intently, seemingly relaxed when the huge burger with fries arrived. Elan told stories about George and about the dogs, describing the first time he met Marty and about losing to Kensi in a shooting match. Lily enjoyed that one immensely, but his son took it all in silently, never commenting, his eyes wide with interest, but veiled with uncertainty that made Elan sad. After eating a piece of chocolate cake, the boy asked if he could use the restroom, making Elan laugh at his fascination with bathrooms. He never missed a chance to go into them, staying as long as he could, or until Elan came and got him.

"He's still not picking up," Elan said as he ended another call to Deeks.

"Maybe they don't want to be disturbed, mon chou," she said as she took his big hand in hers. "They are trying to work through some things, so maybe they shut off their phones."

"Maybe," he said.

"Why don't you go get Soldier and I'll take care of the check," she said.

Elan did as she asked, trying to keep from worrying about Deeks after Soldier's dire comments. He called his name out when he didn't see the boy in the men's room and pushed back outside, checking for him in the hallway and hotel lobby, but deep down knowing he wouldn't find him.

"He's gone," he said sadly when Lily found him staring out the windows in the lobby. "He's gone back to Bella."

"Oh, mon coeur, I am so sorry," Lily said, wrapping her arms around him, trying to dispel his deepening sadness.

...

Deeks woke as the horse trailer hit a deep rut in the road, unable to stifle a groan as his knee hit the floor. He tried to stand, but the bouncing made it impossible and he was knocked off his feet again as they hit another pothole and then slid sideways for a bit. When they came to a stop, he managed to get to his feet, peering over the metal divider that separated him from Kensi.

"Kens?" His voice cracking as he called out to her.

"What happened?" She asked, her voice muted and weak.

"The Freitas boys ran us into a tree," he said as he listened to the bragging and arrogant laughter outside.

"Are you okay?" She asked, whimpering softly as she tried to move.

"Been better. How about you?" He tried to keep his voice light and confident, but it broke at the end.

"I don't know," she answered. "I hurt all over."

He turned toward the back as the trailer ramp dropped to the ground, revealing the grim faces of the Freitas brothers. It was raining hard and they looked cold and mean and seemed to be waiting for something or someone. Then he heard Vera shout out to them, her language filthy and the words slurring. That got them moving and they were all business as they walked up the ramp. Eddie shoved him against the divider as Billy cut him free of the metal bar, keeping his hands tied together in front of him. He could hear Kensi cry out as Vic cut her loose and he struggled to see her as she was dragged to her feet.

"Let me carry her, man," he pleaded. "She's hurt. She won't be able to walk."

"Shut up, asshole," Billy growled. "She ain't gonna live long anyway."

"Come on, man. Please," he begged, making Eddie laugh as he grabbed him and pushed him toward the ramp.

He stumbled as they shoved him down the wet metal ramp, slipping and tumbling to his knees, collapsing onto his side and rolling down onto the muddy ground. He gasped as the pain hit him, but he struggled to look for Kensi as Vic hauled her down the ramp, her arm slung over his shoulder, and barely conscious.

"Throw that piece of ass in the hog pen," Vera ordered as she walked past Vic.

Deeks watched, doggedly trying to rise once again, to do something even though he knew it would be futile and heard Vera laugh as she stepped in front of him. She was wearing muddy black galoshes over riding pants, her plaid parka wet from the rain, which dripped off the edges of the grey Stetson she wore. She stood looking down at him, her face grim and her eyes hard, impatiently tapping a leather riding crop against her leg.

"You lyin' piece of shit," she spit out, whipping the crop across his cheek. "I don't like being made a fool of and I sure as hell don't like being thrown in jail."

The riding crop caught him on the ear and blood trickled down his neck as she slashed at him again and he covered his head with his arms. She was breathing heavily when she finished, her anger exploding in a string of filthy words and a couple of vicious kicks to his already sore ribs.

"Get him on his feet," she said.

The two brothers hauled him up in front of her and she grabbed his jaw with a gloved hand, pulling his face close to hers. Her eyes were almost black and he knew she was on something.

"Not good for business to use up all your own product, Vera," he managed to say, smirking bravely at her.

One look from her to Eddy and he was slugged hard in the back, leaving him gasping for air.

"I'm gonna make you sorry you ever fucked with me, Sugar" she whispered and then smiled.

She rubbed her thumb roughly over his bloody lips and then kissed him hard, surprising the hell out of him, laughing as she looked at her sons and tossed her head in the direction Vic had taken Kensi.

"String him up close to his little girlfriend," she ordered as they dragged him off.

The rain had them all soaked by the time they reached the hog pen. It was long and narrow and totally enclosed with heavy hog wire over a wooden framed structure. Vic was waiting by the open gate, and Deeks could see Kensi huddled in the mud against a couple of hay bales in the corner. She was watching him, her eyes never leaving his face as they tied his hands quickly to an overhead beam, his body stretched taut. Vera walked past him to sit down next to Kensi, but Kensi kept her eyes on him, her face vulnerable, a soft smile of encouragement there for him.

"You've got nice tits, Honey," Vera said softly. "Men just love our tits, don't they? I mean my boys couldn't get enough of mine. Wanted to nurse all the time. I nursed them all till they were three or four. Course later I taught them how to give me a little pleasure in return. I taught 'em how to excite a woman. Eddie likes it rough, but then so do I. I'll teach Soldier too, once he's a little bit older."

"You sick bitch," Kensi choked out, earning a slap across the face.

"You can control just about any man you want if you have great tits," Vera said with a confident smile. "That's power, Honey. I got people who will pay good money for you across the border."

"I thought we got to have her," Vic whined.

"We'll see," she said, patting his face as she got up.

Deeks watched Kensi curl up as they moved away, her arms coming up to cover her head as angry, defiant tears streamed down her face and mixed with the rain. He hardly noticed his own tears as he silently cursed himself for letting this happen to her.

"Too bad I have to sell her to the Mexicans," Vera said as she stopped in front of him. "She would be fun to play with. I'm kinda tired of Bella. I broke her like I do my horses, but she's rank now and Billy don't like to share anyway."

Her threats and sick confession made Deeks want to throw up, his fear for Kensi and Soldier and his sudden sympathy for Bella making it hard to breathe.

"You want to kill me, don't you Sugar?" Vera said lightly. "You're thinkin' about all those men who are gonna just use your little girlfriend up and then throw her away. You shoulda known I would punish both of you for what you done."

"I was thinking more of a long stretch in an asylum for the criminally insane, you crazy bitch," he said softly.

She just laughed at him, and placed her hand on his chest, her eyes narrowing as she stared at him, an unreadable look in her suddenly wild eyes.

"Let's see what you got, Sugar," she whispered, ripping open his denim shirt, her eyes roaming over him, as rivulets of bloody rain water ran down his chest.

She handed her hat to Eddie before reaching up to push the wet hair out of Deeks' eyes, licking her lips as she moved closer until he could smell her musky perfume and feel her breath on his face. She placed a hand on his cheek and then ran her thumb roughly along the gash the riding crop had cut under his eye. He gritted his teeth at the sting of pain, not wanting to give her the pleasure of hearing him cry out. Her hand closed into a fist as she gripped a handful of his hair and then she pulled his head down and kissed him again, laughing as he tried to pull away from her.

"Too bad you're a cop," she said, breathing heavily as she looked into his eyes. "We could have had some fun, couldn't we boys? We never fucked a federal agent before. Maybe tomorrow."

She picked up the riding crop, pressing it against his lips before stepping back and running the tip of the crop down to his crotch.

"See you in the morning, Sugar." She said. "By that time, I'll have my hands on Soldier's daddy and we'll bring him along so he can watch me gut you like the pig you are."

...

...


End file.
